The New Strong-Willed Child Paperback – September 1, 2014

It’s a good book

I almost didn't purchase this book because of some of the awful reviews I read. I questioned whether I wanted to waste my time and money on something that some reviewers claimed advocates child abuse. So I began with the free sample, was pleased and decided to purchase it. After reading this book in it's entirety I am absolutely shocked at some of the awful things people wrote about this author! Dobson's advice is far from abusive and I worry about a society so permissive that it would label it as such. He stresses the importance of protecting the spirit of the child while helping to control the will. He warns against discipline that is demeaning or done in anger. He gives advice for creating a home filled with love and how to discipline a difficult child while making it evident to the child that they are loved, special, and cared for. Dobson stresses the importance if finding a balance between a household that is too harsh and too permissive as both ends of the spectrum can be harmful to a child. He does advocate swatting a child on the behind one or two times for clear acts of defiance and only after other measures have failed. He writes that spankings should be rare, never done in anger, and always followed by holding the child and lovingly telling them what they did wrong and assuring them that they are loved. However, if you disagree with spanking this book can still be beneficial to you. It is filled with an abundance of helpful information, most of which has nothing to do with spanking. Read it and take away what is useful for your situation and toss what isn't. If you have a strong willed child then I think you'll find it very beneficial!

Very informative, easy reading

I haven't read "Dare to Discipline" yet but have read "The Strong Willed Child." Contrary to what some people wrote, he DOES say that anyone with a tendency toward, enjoyment in, or fear of abusive situations should NOT use corporal punishment. He also says that spanking should only be used in serious instances and that it should ONLY be done with a controlled temper and an explaination of why they were being punished, after being forewarned that the action was not allowed and that the punishment was coming. As far as the mention of "squeezing" the trapeezius, it was mentioned not to be used as a form of punishment in itself and not to be done in anger, but as a method of getting the attention of the child/adolescent that is disobeying. It is terrible that some people feel that they went through such an aweful childhood because of Dr. Dobson's views, but it truely sounds to me like your parents twisted Dr. Dobson's well-intentioned advice to support their own cruel tendencies. As a mother, I would NEVER think it was ok to drag my child around or hurt him, but as the mother of a VERY strong-willed child (I mean NOTHING phases him when he's having a tantrum) I agree with Dr. Dobson's findings. "Redirecting" works with my sweet little nieces, who aim to please and don't like people to be upset with them. My little boy simply doesn't care if I'm upset, or tell him no, put him in time out, or even yell, or slap his hand. If he wants something (or doesn't) he is determined to get it (or avoid it) no matter what it takes or what punishment ensues. This does not mean I would EVER abuse him, but when he is determined to open the hot oven and goes back over and over again, a smack to the tush is about the only thing that can get his attention, and I know it isn't truly harming him, because after about a 30 second cry, he's up so something else

I notice that reviewers who rated this book poorly seem to do so on the strength of their conviction that spanking is wrong, a form of abuse aimed at breaking the spirit of a strong-willed child. I submit that such people may not have read the whole book.First of all, Dr. Dobson's main point throughout the book is that children must be lovingly disciplined at appropriate times if they are to grow up to be productive adults with a healthy respect (not to be mistaken for fear) for authority. He never once tries to assert that spanking is the only effective method of discipline, and even acknowledges that spanking should be used sparingly, only after other methods of discipline have proven to be ineffective. For a more compliant child, spanking may never be necessary. But this book is dedicated to the strong-willed child, for whom other methods of discipline often fail. So special attention is given to spanking as an effective form of discipline.Dr. Dobson acknowledges that spanking done carelessly and with anger can be abusive, and so he provides clear guidelines for how to administer a spanking in a loving, consistent, non-abusive way. He also quite appropriately points out that there are many non-physical ways of abusing a child, such as yelling, belittling, etc., that inflict psychological harm without laying a finger. Furthermore, he makes persuasive arguments, backed by scientific research, for why properly administered spankings are not only NOT detrimental to the child's psyche, but that parents who spank when the situation warrants it are actually LESS likely to reach the extremes of anger and frustration that often result in physical or verbal abuse.Dr. Dobson also devotes an entire section on the difference between "shaping the will" and "breaking the spirit", and provides clear examples of how to succeed at the former without inflicting the latter.If you are struggling with a strong-willed child but are against spanking, I urge you to critically compare your arguments against it to Dr. Dobson's defense of it. If you don't agree and you're still against spanking, please don't "throw the baby out with the bathwater". There are still a lot of useful insights into the mind of the strong-willed child, tips on communicating with them and helping to shape that will, and encouragement for those engaged in this struggle. And good luck!