The Porn Problem: Christian compassion, convictions and wisdom for today's big issues (Talking Points)

Simple, concise, biblical, applicable look at the struggle with and source for victory in pornography. Great for a Christian book club.

Concise. Precise. Full of spiritual wisdom yet not pushing or blaming. In short, highly recommended for any Christian.p.s. Below please find some favourite passages of mine for your reference.You might say that sex is the body language of lifelong commitment…You have sex with them and you are saying – at least you’re meant to be saying – “I love you and I am completely committed to you for life”. That’s God’s design. Sex is not simply recreational; it is profoundly relational. Deep down we all know this. I think of a man who admitted to me that he lived a promiscuous lifestyle. And then he added, very honestly, “You know, every time I have sex with someone I leave something of myself behind”. He realised that sex is meant to be deeply interpersonal. It includes the soul; it’s not just a physical thing. This explains why porn can never satisfy us. Our sexual desires are not just a longing for a physical sensation…we are yearning for a deep union with another person, not just physically, but at every level of our being. Pg23Every time someone consumes porn, especially if they heighten the experience by masturXXXing, the part of the brain map that connects arousal to porn is being strengthened. Meanwhile, the pathways connecting arousal to things like seeing, touching, or cuddling with a partner aren’t getting used. Pretty soon, natural turn-ons aren’t enough, and many porn consumers find they can’t get aroused by anything but porn. Pg37By setting the bar, and our expectations, so low, it impoverishes and demeans us all. This is not freedom; it’s slavery. pg38The temptation to look at porn is often not driven just by sexual drives. Very often there’s another trigger; the desire for a brain bath perhaps. Lust could be the spark, but the fuel may come from another source. So it may be worth asking, “What’s the fuel for me?” ….I hope you recognise how spiritually catastrophic this is – because we should be taking those feelings to a different doctor, with a different medicine.. We should be taking them to the Lord Jesus Christ – because he alone is the one who can satisfy our deepest longings. You don’t feel loved? Jeremiah 31:3 You feel out of control? Matthew 10:29 You feel looked down on? 1 Samuel 2:8 pg41-3Fighting sin is not, first and foremost, about what we say no to. That “no” must always follow our “yes” to Jesus Christ, who has already said an amazing “YES’ to us. As Heath Lambert writes: You need to be the kind of person who fights for a close relationship with Jesus more than you fight against porn. Pg64

There are a lot of people who don’t view porn as a problem.My husband and I just got back from a resort that has a corresponding fan Facebook page for the frequenters of the resort. The page has regular posts from people celebrating the two “special” channels that can be accessed in the rooms and evaluating the “quality” of said channels.One of the biggest eye-opening moments for me when I went off to college was discovering how common porn is even for Christians. Whether it is celebrated or just a struggle people are trying to overcome, porn is very prevalent in the world today.“The highly respected Nielsen Media Research organization reported that about 60 million people— over a quarter of internet users in the US— visited a pornographic website during one month in 2010…”It was a bit ironic to read this book right before I read the book Verity which has a lot of sexual content. I think sexually graphic novels might be a blind spot for a lot of women. Just because it isn’t on a screen doesn’t mean it’s not a form of pornography that can still be harmful for us and our relationships.Roberts suggests it may even be more powerful when we read it:“Verbal descriptions, along with the images we see, combine to feed fantasies we create for ourselves. Sometimes the most powerful porn is stuff we create in our own heads.”Is Porn a Problem?I think we are naive to answer anything other than ‘yes.’“Social commentators, medical professionals, and concerned individuals point to the negative impact it is having, for example, on body image, relational health, and the development of adolescent sexuality.”“The American Psychological Association has stated, ‘The saturation of sexualized images of females is leading to body hatred, eating disorders, low self-esteem [and] depression.’”“As porn has become more accessible, increasing numbers of children are viewing it at a very young age. Much of their sex education is through discovery online. And they’re not just learning the facts of life through porn; it’s also forming their attitudes to sex and their understanding of what is normal sexually.”“A peer-reviewed research study that analyzed data from seven different countries concluded that there is ‘little doubt that, on average, individuals who consume pornography more frequently are more likely to hold attitudes [supporting] sexual aggression and engage in actual acts of sexual aggression.’”I also read an account in This is Going to Hurt about a young girl who came in to the hospital with mutilated genitals because she had been trying to change herself to look more like what is found in porn.Just look at this secular organization called Fight the New Drug. Their website is full of facts and stories that tell the real story about how porn hurts people, relationships, and the world at large.You don’t have to be a Christian to recognize the harmful affects of porn.One thing that I think is severely understated is how porn fuels human trafficking.“According to cases reported to the National Human Trafficking Hotline, pornography was the 3rd-most common form of sex trafficking, after escort services and elicit massage businesses.”“In fact, research has shown that porn consumers are more likely to express an intent to rape, less likely to intervene during a sexual assault, more likely to victim-blame survivors of sexual assault, more likely to support violence against women, more likely to forward sexts without consent, and more likely to commit actual acts of sexual violence. In fact, some evidence suggests that this desensitization toward sexual violence through the consumption of porn can then manifest in more willingness to buy sex, which increases the demand for individuals being trafficked for sex.” (FTND)The idea that porn is just an experience of personal preference and conviction is a lie.Porn is not harmless.In this BookThis book is only 80 pages. It is not intended to be exhaustive.Roberts wants to open this discussion in our communities and churches. This is a book with talking points.“Our aim is to give you an accessible introduction to the many questions that surround the issues of pornography, and a starting point for constructive discussion between Christian believers and others.”Roberts exposes the ugliness of porn and beauty of God’s design for sex. God is not against sex. It is a gift from him that he has designed with specific boundaries to protect us.Watching porn is not a path to freedom. It’s the road to slavery.Just as all sin chains us to our every fleshly desire that we try and fail to satisfy.We can’t fully recognize the problem or the solution of porn until we see ourselves for what we are. Our hearts are corrupted by sin, “we are not victims; we are perpetrators.”“Remember, the fundamental problem that causes slavery to porn is not our psychology or biology, but our sin. And to counter that, we can’t rely on self-help. We need a savior. Only Jesus Christ can truly set us free.”The chapters in this book go from describing the problem of porn, God’s good design for sex, how porn enslaves us, where true freedom is, living porn-free, and helping others.He provides a list of resources at the end of his book. I attached images of the lists with this review.Living Porn-FreeThere is hope!After we see our sinful hearts, the damage of porn, and the intended purpose of sex, we may struggle to understand how we could ever get to that place.This book has a lot of encouragement for people who may struggle with a porn addiction. There is nothing that can’t be forgiven in Christ. God turns toward us in our sin, not away. He wants to heal us and redeem us.“The Bible has wonderful news for those who are beginning to feel they will never find victory in the fight against porn. The gospel of Jesus Christ offers complete forgiveness and also a new power by the Holy Spirit to enable us to fight sin and grow in holiness. It really is possible to live porn-free.”I love what he says about living porn-free because it applies to any area of our lives that we want to see change. It’s not about just avoiding things and saying ‘no.’ It’s about first saying ‘yes’ to Christ and seeking after him.“Heath Lambert writes: ‘You need to be the kind of person who fights for a close relationship with Jesus more than you fight against pornography… When you find yourself working to look to Christ more than you find yourself working to avoid porn, you’ll know you’ve turned the corner… A living, breathing relationship with Jesus will drive porn out of your life quicker than anything else. When you turn your eyes to Jesus, there isn’t room for anything else in your heart because he fills it up.’”The focus isn’t on the sin. The focus is on the Savior.RecommendationI would definitely recommend this book. As stated earlier, it’s a great introduction to this conversation.I do wish it was a little longer because Roberts doesn’t talk at all about human trafficking which I’m always shocked that people don’t see or don’t want to see its connection to porn.I also wish he would have addressed the idea of ‘empowerment’ as it pertains to our bodies. I think there are a lot of females that advocate for porn or sites like OnlyFans because they believe the lie that revealing our bodies gives us power. That is a harmful belief to act on.So the conversation can’t stop here, but for those who don’t like reading big or many books, this is a really good option.I have a couple more book suggestions below for further reading. This was the first book I read that was specifically and entirely about the topic of porn, but the others listed talk about sex, sexuality, and how that influences our identities and our bodies.In all of them is a heart for people, grace and forgiveness, and the acknowledgment that the church has not always handled this well. Hopefully reading books like this can help us on the road to doing better in caring for people and the things they struggle with. Our sin is a common denominator with all people and we all need a Savior.The church should be a place that helps bring people to the Doctor for healing, not judging them in the waiting room for not being healed already.I’ll end with this quote because I think we all need a reminder that our sinful choices may lead to immediate gratification but it causes us to miss out on something much greater.“Porn is the equivalent of burning a priceless Stradivarius violin for a few moments of warmth, and missing out on a lifetime of beautiful, glorious music.”Further ReadingWhat God has to Say About Our Bodies by Sam AllberryBorn Again This Way by Rachel GilsonTalking Back to Purity Culture by Rachel Joy WelcherThe Rise and Triumph of the Modern Self by Carl S. TruemanThe Imperfect Disciple by Jared WIlsonTaking Down Backpage by Maggy Krell (This is a book about taking down the largest human trafficking ring)

Addicted to pornography? Fascinated by the illicit and immediate pleasure it offers? Feeling unable to extricate yourself from bondage? This book reveals the path to true freedom for those who sincerely want it.Porn use, encouraged by the fact that it is accessible, affordable, and anonymous, has radically impacted attitudes to sex in the world. It has undoubtedly fuelled the acceptance of many deviant forms of sexual activity so prevalent in recent times. It is also the rot at the root of the lives of many Christians — threatening to destroy their enjoyment of salvation and their witness to the world.Vaughan Roberts suggests no quick-fix solution or sticking-plaster cover for sin. Rather, he shines the light of God’s word upon the practice of viewing pornography— light which first exposes the dark reality of the sin and then reveals the path of victory. He makes clear that we can “never make real progress in the battle against porn unless we recognise that, first and foremost, we are not victims; we are perpetrators. We are sinners.” However, he also shows that by looking to Christ, trusting in God’s promises, being ruthless with sin, and never giving up, we can truly achieve victory by the power of the Spirit.For those who teach God’s word, and care for God’s people, this short book is a great resource. It is a very brief, well-balanced, treatment which may help us to assist others in their struggles. It is difficult to teach God’s word publicly on these subjects; but it is undoubtedly necessary in our present hyper-sexualised culture. Roberts gives some insight into how to go about it.

Short but well written and very interesting.

This is one book with great insight . If you have ever known someone or dealt with this , read it