Feeling Good Together: The Secret to Making Troubled Relationships Work

David Burns is a great articulator of cognitive behavioral theory. I was very impressed with the original "Feeling Good" book. The concepts, presentation, and exercises make perfect sense and are so much better founded in real science than self-improvement books you find around. The other book is for depression, primarily, and my main complaint about it is that it's packed with exercises...more than a person could really do. This book is shorter and addresses a simpler point: how to improve relationships and get along. Also how to be a great listener and how to respond tactfully. There are only a few exercises presented but they are great. Both the individual exercises and the ways to practice being a good listener and partner are very helpful. The writing is good. The first 1/3 of the book takes a while to get the point when compared with his first book. In particular it spends quite a bit of time basically beating you up about wanting to blame the other person for your relationship problems. Not that I think he's wrong, it's just not that fun to read and, I think, takes up too much of the book. The rest of it is very practical and helpful. And unlike his original book, is not overwhelming. Great read, and I think it would be helpful if carefully applied.

I've been following Dr. Burns off and on (mostly on) since a therapist introduced me to his work in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy years ago. I listen to his "Feeling Good" podcast quite regularly. This book differs from his other works in that he admits that his methods in CBT for individuals did not translate at all into helping people with troubled relationships. It took him years to figure out why this was so, and once he finally made some sense of it, he codified his findings in this book. This is one of the most difficult and important books I've ever read. That's not to say all my relationships are golden now (this is not just for marriage relationships), but just one time through this book gave me some painful and powerful insights that have helped me to let some things go that I've carried for decades. These new notions are helping me figure out how to do better in the future, too, I hope. One thing I know for sure--you will never figure out how to do better and get better if you don't take it upon yourself to learn and try new things. This could be a powerful tool in your toolbox (especially if you are ready to let go of blame, which is ego-crushingly painful and worth every effort), and I highly recommend it. I'm SO looking forward to his new book, too, "Feeling Great!"

Dr. Burns has done it again. Nearly 35 years ago I was introduced to his “FEELING GOOD, The New Mood Therapy” by my therapist. We used the cognitive therapy technique to cure my depression. I was at the cusp between moderate and severe depression and my therapist wanted to place my in the hospital on anti-depressant medication. I chose cognitive therapy and have stayed depression free for 95% of the time. During and after my divorce I blew by some warning signs and slipped back into depression. Two week of cognitive treatment on my own bounced me out and life has remained depression free. I have been finding similar success with ‘Feeling Good Together”. I know it will take me some time to develop the skills and techniques necessary to better my relationships. Changing one’s thoughts and actions takes time, effort and practice. If you will put in the time and do the WORK, you will be rewarded with a better life! Dale

There's a lot in this book that could make it one of the best methods for repairing relationships and building a stronger one. It walks you through various exercises for practicing what to say in certain situations where communication usually breaks down and devolves into misunderstandings - some of these require a friend to act as a stand-in before actually interacting with your partner in the problem area; in many instances, however, that isn't always practical. The focus is on taking responsibility for your own behavior, so you elicit a more favorable reaction in your partner. It teaches you to be a better listener and to show appreciation and understanding. There is a lot here that rings true, as we're often reluctant to claim ownership in how *we* contribute to the problems in our relationship and usually blame the other person. Here's the catch, though. The author espouses that it only takes one to really turn things around and thus we don't really need to ask our partner to adopt the same practices, that by simply changing our own behavior, the other person's will also change. Well ... I disagree. Many times, yes, it takes one to break through barriers and set a better tone. But, if both partners understand how they contribute to the decay in a relationship, there's a greater chance for success. Also, if the other partner (the one not reading the book) is emotionally abusive or just outright insensitive, then it's definitely going to take both people participating in repairing the relationship -- and I wish this had been addressed. If your partner is genuinely caring, yes, applying these techniques will make a notable difference in your interactions, but I can think of some (dysfunctional) couples where just one person making changes isn't going to help enough. All that being said, I do recommend reading this book, as there is so much wisdom that can be gleaned from it; however, I plan to ask my partner to read it and work through the exercises with me. If we both understand how to communicate and most importantly *listen* better, it will help us build a stronger bond.

This book is nothing short of enlightened and a rare exception to the otherwise rather superfluous genre of self help books

When we experience conflict with someone we have a tendency to think "it's all his/her fault" and that they are being unreasonable. This book helps us to get past that feeling and to really empathise with where your critic is coming from. This can take practise. There are case studies to work through of lots of different relationship situatioms where you can put the communication techniques into action, and then compare your version with their version. It then suggests imagining real life conflicts you could experience, or have in the past and how you would deal with it, using the 'five secrets of effective communication'. I really like the bit about dealing with a 'bragger'. I'm enjoying the book, which I bought on kindle, and am still working through it. It's helping me in real life.

Book arrived today and I'm yet to read it to comment on the contents of the book itself, the quality of the book is second hand, all the pages are separated as if it's been read before, there are creases along the spine clearly indicating its been opened prior to postage and a massive crease on the back cover. All the corners are also damaged to a minor degree. Perhaps someone returned it after reading and then it was sent to me sold as brand new.

とても読みやすい英語で、具体的にわかりやすく書いてあります。 しかも上から目線ではなく、読者（患者？）と同じ目線に立って書かれていますから、読んでいてとても気分がいいです。 人との付き合い方に困っている方には、「Feeling good」よりこちらのほうがおすすめです！

If used exactly the way he mentions in the book magic happens and all of a sudden you'll see relationships change for the better.