All My Puny Sorrows Paperback – July 28, 2015

What do you do when someone you love is intent on taking their own life? And they are hospitalized repeatedly, for one serious suicide attempt after another. Do you respect their wish to die or do you do everything in your power to keep them alive?This is the predicament that Yoli finds herself in when her brilliant and talented sister, Elf, is in the hospital again after swallowing bleach along with another toxin. Elf wants to die. It doesn't matter that she is a famous concert pianist with a wonderful husband, a lot of money, and has everything to live for. She. just. wants. to. die.Yoli and Elf grew up in a small Mennonite community in Canada called East Village. Their family stood out because of their intellectualism and how they pushed the boundaries of what was acceptable in their religion and cultural tradition. Elf was a quester, a young woman with passion who tested limits. Yoli looked up to her and they grew up close and loving. Their mother, a Mennonite wife, still had the verve and acumen to question the elders and, though it was forbidden, brought a piano into their home to feed her daughter's talent. Their father was thought of as an 'oddball' who went for long walks and "believed that reading and writing and reason were the tickets to paradise". He was also "quiet, depressive and studious".Yoli is the one who lives hand to mouth. As the book opens, she is getting her second divorce and has two children from two different men. She likes to sow her oats and might even be thought of as a bit promiscuous. She has very little money and the future doesn't promise a whole lot yet she grabs on to life and cherishes it with gusto. How, she wonders, can Elf, who has everything, want to check out? "Listen! I want to shout at her. If anyone's gonna kill themselves it should be me. I'm a terrible mother for leaving my kids' father and other father. I'm a terrible wife for sleeping with another man. Men. I'm floundering in a dying non-career." And then she wonders, "Maybe it's because you've perfected if that you are now ready to leave it behind. What else is there left to do?"Yoli wonders about the family and cultural legacies of suicide. She tries to understand the illness of depression but she doesn't want to let go of her beloved sister. To help her attain her goal of death would mean she was complicit with Elf. "I had to know she'd be okay . . . that I would bow down before her suffering with compassion."This is a brilliant book, one that not only engages the reader totally, but looks into the depths of human suffering and despair. As the poet Roethke says, "What is madness but nobility of the soul at odds with circumstance." While this isn't true for all mental illness, sometimes there is no other answer.

So if you're thinking a book called All My Puny Sorrows is going to be a bit of a downer, you're definitely right, but the talent of Miriam Toews is definitely something to behold despite the harrowing nature of the book.Elf (Elfrieda) and Yoli (Yolandi) are sisters and best friends. Growing up in a Mennonite community outside of Winnipeg, they were tremendously close as they united against the way the community's elders treated women and tried to marginalize Elf's talent playing the piano. They also tried to understand the mood swings of their father, a gentle man who felt desperately passionate about so many things.As adults, on the surface Elf leads a glamorous life—she has a devoted husband and a successful career as a renowned concert pianist, while Yoli has been divorced twice and is struggling to cope with raising her two children as they approach adulthood, as well as financial, romantic, and career difficulties. Yet Elf suffers from a crushing depression and desperately wants to end her life, although her attempts have all ended in failure."It was the first time that we had sort of articulated our major problem. She wanted to die and I wanted her to live and we were enemies who loved each other."What Yoli wants is for Elf to finally get the treatment she so desperately needs, so she can finally enjoy her life and once again be the passionate, highly intelligent person Yoli knows and loves. And more than that, Yoli really wants her confidante again, wants someone to help guide her out of the mess that she is making with her life and help her regain the confidence she needs to move her writing career in a different direction. But despite the love of her husband, her family, and her fans, all Elf really wants is to die, so her suffering can end.As hard as Yoli fights to change Elf's mind about dying, Elf fights just as hard to convince Yoli to help her end her life. How do you convince someone you love that their life is worth living when they are unable to see that for themselves? Is it our responsibility to help those we care about end their suffering?I've never read anything by Miriam Toews before, but I was truly wowed by her ability to inhabit these characters. This is an incredibly moving book about the toll depression and suicide have not only on the person struggling, but on those who care about them. It's also a story about finding the strength to carry on when it feels like you have nothing left, and everything seems to be going against you.This is a hard book to read because of the emotional nature of the subject matter and the suffering that the characters endure (and I've only scratched the surface in my description), but Toews' prose is so lyrical, almost poetic at times, and it truly immerses you in the story. At times it got a bit difficult because the hits kept on coming, and it was hard to watch Yoli make such a mess of her own life at the same time, but the beauty and power of Toews' writing compels you to soldier on.

What's not to like about recovering Mennonites who have gone completely liberally mad and lost all filters and with that they make you laugh and cry at the same time. I haven't finished the book so I may feel differently but the writing is excellent and you feel for both sisters, almost more for the one who wants to live than the one who wants to die!!

The subject matter was very delicate and was dealt with quite well. However I found the book unnecessarily very long and drawn out. I would have liked to have the father's suicide explained far more. It was barely touched upon and might have given some much needed clarity into Elf's situation even if it was purely genetic. Having lost my sister (not through suicide) I could empathize wholly with these gentle conversations which take place between the two sisters prior to an impending death. Their poignancy is sometimes unbearable and this is displayed vividly in the book. Elf's great gift as a concert pianist was also not given much accolade. Where were the great descriptions of magnificent piano recitals given in prestigious venues across the world? That again would have padded out this book enormously and this is sadly an essential missing element.

Grief and humour sit side by side in this story of sisters, suicide and family. The intense relationship between Yolandi and Elf (Elfrieda) resonates on every page. The story is attacked full-tilt as no speech marks separate out the dialogue so we are swept along in the torrent of emotions. I thought this was really clever. At heart this is a beautifully written birds eye view on the desire to die which lies starkly beside lifelong/last-breath loyalty, love and heartache.And..in the midst of mental illness and crisis there are amazing laugh out loud phrases"Living with my mother is like living with Winnie the Pooh"

Miriam Toews explores the strength and frailty of women as they face the mind blowing frustration of choosing to be held in impossible situations -- by men in church, by nurses and doctors in hospitals, by the pressures of an adoring public -- where the people who hold power over them have no understanding of them at all, and make ignorant, harmful decisions that impact their lives in fundamental ways. Love keeps them together and tears them apart in a complex and very real story of the fight to be heard amidst modern day pressures, from religious oppression to fame. Miriam's sister finally takes the ultimate stand in a moving and admirable conclusion.There is no end to my admiration for this book and this author, they have taken hallowed position next to 'To Kill a Mockingbird' and Harper Lee, my other favourites of all time.

Quite the most unusual book I've read , a topic not often broached by authors,- but this brings out the sadness the pain and the real life sorrow of living with depression and the horror of being unable to help a loved one . Watching the person suffer and being totally helpless is covered so well in this rather lovely book . Sad moving and rather wonderful. I urge you to read it.

I love the people in this book. They are like no one else. They are intelligent but not pompous and really funny in an original way and they are all very kind. Despite the sad subject it has some incredibly hilarious one liners. I don't think I can do it enough justice with my words. It is exceptionally well written.