Real Love in Marriage: The Truth About Finding Genuine Happiness Now and Forever

I've read a lot of books on relationships, and this one cuts to the core of what real love is all about.I bought this book because I saw a video on Dr. Greg Baer's website, [...]. (Find the DVD collection and click on Module One, then watch the few minutes beginning at 18:00 minutes. The next few minutes changed my life in one great flash of insight.)What's the profound insight? Real love is caring for the happiness of another without expecting anything in return. The anger that arises (from our own expectations) when our partner doesn't do what we want is actually selfish and arrogant. Now, anger can certainly be a healthy emotion if I own it and recognize it as a signal that something needs to change. My anger can be productive I channel it well into working to bring about the necessary changes. But if instead of owning it, I insist on dumping my anger on my partner, then what I'm actually doing is manipulating my partner's behavior by making life unpleasant for them--through the withdrawal of my love--until they change *for me*. What we're really doing is telling our partner, "I'm not getting what I want, and it's all your fault. So I'll make life miserable for you until you give me what I want." In other words, we're paying our partner with our approval in exchange for the servicing of our needs. (The world's oldest profession is an exchange of payment for services rendered, too, which is why that ain't real love either.)Dr Baer points out very clearly what's wrong with this whole approach of tit-for-tat: it's all conditional. Who feels they're getting real love when they have to pay for it in this way?\In contrast, it's the very experience of unconditional love that transforms us, and allows us to transform our partners. It's loving out of commitment rather than reaction to how my partner happens to be feeling toward me today.One thing I love about this whole approach is that it's an extension of God's love for us. This is the essence of being Christlike. "Love your enemies" for God's sake! means to act lovingly toward another regardless of how they act toward you. That gift of dignity and respect is what will lift up the other.All else is bean counting, not real love.

Some of the ideas and suggestions are great but there's a lot I don't agree with such as discussing you and your husband with others, especially the opposite sex. I disagree with the basis of most of us have not had unconditional love. Pick and choose carefully what you use from this book.

Loving this book so far. Also read/listened to the parenting one. Both are awesome and can really help your relationship. These books don't concentrate so much on things you should do as much a explaining why we do things the way we do which can help change our thought processes and hearts. Then it is easier for our behavior to change.

This is a must read for those engaged, newlyweds or folks who have been together for a long time. Recommend reading it together.

I do not use the words "life changing" flippantly. This book -- and others in the series -- are amongst the most influential and powerful I've ever read (and I read a lot). I've read it again and again; each time, it speaks directly to any difficulties I might be having in my marriage at that time.These ideas can transform your marriage, your relationships and the ways you view yourself and the world. I can't recommend it highly enough.

A little too misogynistic for my taste.

Helped son with marriage

Great book about marriage!

My long term relationship was a mess before I came across real love. I have read and listened to this book of Greg's so many times and each time I see and learn something new. With all the love and support from the UK Real Love community my relationship has transformed from a mess to blissful. I recently got married and am continuing to live by the principles. Simple but so effective it'll turn your world around. Not just for relationships in pain or struggle, it's for EVERYONE!

Essential reading for any married couple, or even better any couple considering a lifelong commitment. It asks the questions we fail to think of, but are crucial to discovering or creating the strength of a partnership. My girlfriend and I just read out together and are now preparing for engagement. This book contains principles which will guide our relationship from now on. It's that powerful.

Good value

Second hand books are excellent value :-)

This is my absolut favorite book, EVER! I've read it twice and will keep on reading it over and over again! I am buying it or advising it to all my friends and relatives, it is a MUST HAVE for all relationship. LOVE IT.