All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood

I really loved this book and would highly recommend it to anyone with kids, but particularly to new parents who may not yet fully comprehend how much their lives are about to change. If you've heard about this book and are on the fence about buying it, Senior has been interviewed numerous times recently so there's a lot out there if you want to get a better sense of her. Though, of all the interviews, I'd recommend listening to the interview she gave to NPR's Bob Edwards' Weekend on March 8th. This interview will give you a good sense of her writing style, personality, and the messages the book tries to convey (also her interview on NPR's Fresh Air was another good one. But, I quite liked the Bob Edwards one a bit more). To be frank, I wrestled with giving this book four or five stars. I was more inclined to give this book only four stars (it was a great read, I loved it, and I would highly recommend it. But, was it one of the absolute best books I've ever read? No, not really.). Yet, I gave it five stars because I finished it almost a month ago and I'm still thinking about it. I'm still mulling over all the very complicated feelings I'm having as a (relatively) new father and I think Senior's written a book that makes one step back and really ponder who we've become as parents in the modern age.

Interesting, well researched, and well written, but definitely written for women. If you're a hard working man trying to stay productive at work while also trying to keep up with your new responsibilities at home, be prepared to be repeatedly told that you aren't washing enough dishes.

I listened to Jennifer Senior's audiobook after hearing and watching her "Ted talk" video on public radio. First of all, I enjoyed listening to her voice as she narrated her own book. Then I noticed how well-researched it was, but most importantly, how she could turn the research evidence into a lively and personal discussion about the topic. After citing the source of the research, she uses her own words to describe what it means, shares personal stories of families she has interviewed, and relates everything to how you the reader (and listener!) is involved in parenting. Plus, she uses her talents as a writer to "charm" you into wanting to hear and read more. For example, she describes one of the children in her interviews as "a hale second-grader". I love that! As a male listener, I also appreciated how she treats her male subjects with respect and admiration, instead of falling into the trap of man-bashing just because we might not help with the laundry or do the dishes. She reminds her female readers that after one mistake, they usually banish the men from the laundry room forever, and then complain that they don't help! Lastly, I want to point out that Jennifer's insights are so touching that even this non-parent can relate to how any major life change can affect a relationship, not just parenting. I really felt that she was talking to me as well as her parenting audience.

This book is well researched & written. However, towards the end of the prologue is this disclaimer “I make few promises about being able to provide any usable child rearing advice.” Author Jennifer Senior holds true to this promise. She presents research, but no solutions. This book is good if you are struggling with parenting, and looking to commiserate. But, not helpful if you are looking for ways to overcome these challenges. I would consider this a valuable read for someone wanting to understand parenting from an outside perspective. However, as a parent, it seems unnecessary to have the problems spelled out with no proposed solutions.

I am ashamed to say that I almost didn’t read this book because I was put off by a couple interviews I’d run across with the author on TV. Normally, I don’t watch author interviews and, when I do catch them, I am generally able to separate what I feel about the author from what I feel about the book. But I wasn’t familiar with Ms. Senior and she just rubbed me the wrong way. Still, I was so taken with the idea behind this book that I decided to read it anyway. I’m glad I did because this book hit almost all the right notes for me. As a parent of two children—a now 7-year-old girl and 5-year-old boy—I am wary of parenting advice. I rarely give it (and only when asked), and I rarely take it (unless I ask for it). Still, I was intrigued with the purported idea behind this book; namely, the effect that being a parent has on the parents, as opposed to a focus on the effect parenting has on kids. Partly this is because I’m not on board with the current middle class American obsession with making our kids’ lives perfect, but that I still get irritated with the glares of some other parents when I do something “wrong” like not keeping my kids within a 5 foot radius of myself at all times. I want to understand what makes us all tick, while still doing my best for my kids. What I found from this collection of interviews, anecdotes, and historical research was a bunch of stuff that sounded awfully familiar to me. The impacts on a marriage, even when you agree on what you want and plan for it like my wife and I did, are not real until you experience them, and this book explores some of those things. The words of one husband about sleep training a child resonated with me: “[the child doesn’t sleep through the night] because you wanted it that way.” Now, sleep training is one thing I really believe in so we didn’t have much disagreement about that, but I’ve certainly said those words about other things. (I won’t wash dishes by hand but she won’t let me use our dishwasher.) My wife and I also work to balance the number of activities in which I children participate because we don’t want to be going going going 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. And yet, we want to provide everything we can for our children’s success. (My brother’s daughter might have wanted to play volleyball in high school but since he didn’t get her on a “traveling team” at a young enough age, chances are slim. This is unbelievable to me and so I worry about my kids.) We have difficulty finding time for ourselves because we have no relatives living nearby and can’t really afford a babysitter more than a couple times a year. So many topics like these are covered in these pages in the honest voices of parents. Of course, as Ms. Senior admits, most of this can only be said to apply to middle class parents. The rich and poor ends of the spectrum have different sets of issues. And her focus on parenting groups mainly in Minnesota, Texas and New York feels a bit limiting. On the other hand, her reading is wide. (I’m currently reading an excellent book she discusses, Huck’s Raft by Steven Mintz. I always like a book that leads me to other books.) And it is amazing how universal the experience of parenting can be. I have no experience with my children as teenagers yet but I read these pages with interest too because I felt so much that I already know has been on target. I don’t think this book solves any problems or really deeply addresses issues. Still, it brings issues to light that are often ignored. Additionally, it often helps just to hear that other parents are going through the same things you are. Any parent or anyone thinking of becoming a parent would be well served by reading this book.

I'm going to buy this book for every one of my friends who is dithering over having a baby. It is an incredibly balanced perspective on what motherhood is like: so wonderful and yet so monotonous. I would write more, but I have my youngest feeding in my arms!

Jennifer Senior shows you how parenting will affect your life at every stage of a child's development, based on studies and experiences, and in doing so, she also shows you a way to hack common pitfalls. You start to realize that parenting is hard enough, but modern parenting is crazy. This book has valuable information that can help you produce a basic gameplan to avoid mainstream parenting and keep your life and sanity even with small children and teenagers. It's also a great read for those who are deciding if they should become parents, because they will get a very realistic picture of what to expect, good and bad. The real cases portrayed make the read amenable and I even cried in the end.

At first, I was a little taken aback by Senior's approach of making her argument by quoting statistics and results of studies from here, there and everywhere (US-based studies). But by anchoring her arguments to real-life families with whom she spent time and clearly spoke to at length, I got drawn into her book and the various arguments it makes. She writes very well and with humour. She puts modern parenthood into perspective by putting modern childhood into perspective. She empowers parents to get out of the "rat race" that modern American parenthood has become and to question today's obsessive, child-centric view which turns kids into tyrants and parents into serfs, at the expense of the parents' own marriages and careers. She also makes a case for better childcare opportunities so that the burden of childcare is not squarely placed on parents' shoulders. I can very much recommend this book!

esse livro me ajudou mto a lidar com algumas das ansiedades geradas pela chegada de nosso primeiro filho. recomendo demais, foi um divisor de águas em termos de dar consciência sobre o quão difícil pode ser a adaptação à nova vida para os pais, algo que infelizmente não é discutido com tanta abertura em nossa sociedade

A very impressive read with excellent research. This book is not about children but adults. I am a parent with two children one 8 and the other 31. I found this book totally engaging. Yes our world has changed drastically. Enjoy this ride.