Sorcerer's Apprentice: My Life with Carlos Castaneda

It’s a worthwhile read for certain people (it was for me). If you are a Casteneda fan and want to get a more detailed look at a great man and his great spiritual teachings, this is not the book for you. On the other hand, if - whatever you think of his writings - you are pretty sure Carlos made his books up and that he was probably a bit shifty in life, and want support for those views and to get a sense of how truly dysfunctional the reality of Carlos Castenada was, then this is the book for you.I’m a great fan of Casteneda’s books. I wish the stories were true and also that the philosophy and methodologies they hint at represented a cohesive and tested system of liberation. I’m convinced otherwise. And lately have been curious about the man himself, and how and why he spun the tales that he did. I’ve also been curious about those around him, particularly his inner circle of “witches”, who appeared from interviews I’ve read/heard to be intelligent and capable people. Perhaps there was a real truth there, and the inner circle experienced it? Perhaps they all even burned from within and achieved liberation?But no, the real truth was that power can be corrupting, and spiritual power can sometimes lead to cults, cruelty and even death, as this book demonstrates.About the book. Amy Wallace may have been a good writer in other contexts, but here she lays out a somewhat scattershot tale of her relationship with Castenada and his inner circle. I didn’t feel the book held together as a “story”, with any sort of real arc (other than Carlos dies in the end). It’s just a set of somewhat random tales of bad things Amy saw or experienced with Casteneda and his crew. Indeed, the book appears to be what is was; something Amy simply had to spew out in order to help purge herself of the long dysfunctional relationship she had with Carlos and his people.And that is perhaps, oddly, its best function for the reader as well. Whatever you think of Amy’s book, in the end I think it will convince you that Casteneda and his writings do not present any clear spiritual path to follow. There may be good snippets of philosophy and perspectives in his books, but there was no Don Juan, Toltec lineage or, more importantly, any cohesive or consistent system or philosophy that one could possibly follow to achieve spiritual growth (let alone “liberation”). Indeed, those who believed otherwise and tried the hardest ended up broken or worse.There are other philosophies and spiritual methodologies out there that ARE cohesive and really do have some lineage behind them (e.g., some that Carlos copied in snippets in his books). And those are worth pursuing if you are looking for a path to follow that can lead toward spiritual growth. But don’t look to Castenada’s books for a system, they will lead you nowhere. This book makes that clear, in a very convincing way.The book is also a good (if, again, somewhat scattershot) look at what it’s like to be inside a nascent “cult” as well as a dysfunctional set of relationships. It’s not an outside reporter explaining all this. Rather, it’s an insider, still broken and confused, spilling out remembrances and feelings. For the reader, that can be at various times fascinating, moving, and tedious.So, again, a mixed bag. Fans looking for support of their journey along the “toltec path” won’t like it. Those looking to either more fully distance themselves from the romance they might have with that false path, or to simply understand the odd and powerfully destructive mini-cult that was Castenada will find the book useful.By the way, there is a pretty good podcast on Casteneda that I would recommend as a companion (or alternative) to this book. It’s called “Trickster: They Many Lives of Carlos Casteneda”. It’s worth a listen.

This is a strange personal account of an enduring relationship between one of the world's most mysterious and famous shamans in the last two centuries, and a young and sensitive woman, the daughter of a popular author, Irving Wallace, and her attempt to honestly relate the insanity, trauma and psychological abuse that those who've had the misfortune of belonging to a genuine cult, will understand all too well.The texts of Carlos Castaneda have influenced and continue to affect millions of reader's across the world. Regardless if these books are pure fabrication or the literal truth is somewhat irrelevant: the philosophy of the Way of the Warrior, opening awareness to things and events in the world, that we normally do not see, the notion that there is a path to "true" knowledge, and a prescribed method to "total freedom", is an alluring proposal.Most of us living our mundane day-to-day lives, getting up every day to just make a living, the idea that there is "magic" in the world, and that it can be tapped and used for self betterment is compelling, and touched the 60's generation at exactly the right time. As most readers of Castaneda well know, his philosophy is anti-authority, breaking from the chains of our incessant social conditioning, (smashing the ego to bits) and becoming the beings we were meant to be - warriors of impeccability. Nonetheless, the proof is in our actions, our fruits, which begs the question, has anyone, including Castaneda, achieved the warrior's goal, and leaped into the abyss of infinity with her/his eyes wide open? After reading Amy Wallace's book, a nagging doubt remains.It is without question that Castaneda was a highly charismatic and enormously persuasive individual. Those who actually met the man, celebrities, politicians and writers all agree on this point. Amy Wallace, though, fell in love with the man, in the romantic sense, became his constant companion, and contributed to the creation of his organization. She became a member of his inner circle of witches, kicked out and let back in again far too many times. She had to experience untold psychological abuse, and the appalling insanities of Castaneda's endless sexual exploits with a platoon of women that would make the most highly promiscuous wince in disbelief. The politics and backstabbing between his inner circle of witches reminded me of the petty games of adolescent girls, with their jealousies and drama, all vying for the father's attention. As the central method to impeccability of a sorcerer is the abolishment of the ego, ridding the personality of "self importance", these so-called witches failed on every count.Amy Wallace managed to survive her experience in this cult, though had to undergo most of the psychological pain of separating from it, and the death of her lover: post-traumatic syndrome, grief, longing and thoughts of suicide, finally in the end, it seems, achieving her psychological separation, as she proposes, through the writing of this book. Amy is a good writer, as one can feel her pain as she examines the lies, betrayal, and endless abuse from Castaneda and his closest cohorts. Because the most dramatic and real love affairs in one's life remain with you, Wallace continues to respect and feel affection for the man despite their long and tumultuous past.Personally, this story does not dissuade me from Castaneda's teachings. His books are highly influential and changed my views of the world in positive ways, too numerous to mention. A recommended read for those needing to know some of the workings of the inside of his strange and unorthodox world.

Wow. This is one intense read.At the age of 59, I just read my first Castaneda book. It was well-written and interesting and I could appreciate what he was about, but it wasn't for me. I'm more into mediums and healers and shamans who communicate clearly, directly and efficiently versus Don Juan's indirect way of responding. (I kept thinking, Why does Castaneda want to know so much about plants? What's the big deal with plants? It took me a while to realize he was looking for drugs. I'm not so hip I guess.)I kind of wish Amy had written in detail and at length about the dark side of her childhood first in the book (versus briefly in the middle) so it was easier to understand how she was attracted to Carlos in the first place and then compelled to be a part of the crazy, destructive lifestyle around him for such a long time. I wonder if she had trauma in her childhood, which was recreated (trauma energy is always looking for release!) with Carlos and, of course, exacerbated by what went on.She's definitely a good writer and can tell a great story. She goes into obsessive detail about what went on with the witches, et al, and the mean-girls-of-high-school mentality surrounding and encouraged by Carlos. On the one hand, the detailing seems a little excessive. On the other hand, it reflects the experience. I couldn't decide if form and content complimented each other in that respect or not.I've read a few books by people who survived cults and got out of abusive "religions". Amy Wallace's memoir is unique among them. She had one bizarre journey. I sure hope she is feeling better and releasing that trauma energy!

I read this with interest since at the same time I was reading C C books and wanted to understand a it more about the man. I am very aware that this is written from the perspective of one person and I am not sure that she understood what the teachings were really about. The book gives no real idea that she had any understanding of this. However it does outline some interesting things which indicate to me a strangeness and weirdness about the man - the cutting of peoples hair and it certainly indicates that he had established what could be described as a cult and an unhealthy environment that bred fear and paranoia and was not conducive to the creation or generation of happiness which in my view is what those teachings ought to generate. It definitely describes the male domination that reigned at the time between this woman's father and CC and I cannot understand how women who were grown and mature could have allowed themselves to be cornered in this way - especially as the feminist movement was down the road and very available.

Bought as a gift for my son's birthday,his recomendation.

Pinche Carlito's "explorers" might or might not like this book, depending on their intentions. ;) It reminds me of the terribly boring list-books published by the same author. It's a "list" of personal accounts, a bit gossipy, not great in the literary sense. I found the pee-sprinkling "trick" quite entertaining though.

it seemed to be a selfserving account with little depth.The name Carlos Castenadez was the draw.It reflected little depth only the most superficial and unexamined mental emotional reactions.The author was never more than a potential student.I felt the dialogue she presented was misleading,it was almost mundane

Great book. Amy Wallace is very honest in her writing and is nice to see the other side of the coin.