Everything Happens for a Reason: And Other Lies I've Loved Hardcover – February 6, 2018

I read this book because it was recommended at some point by my pastor. I can't remember how I ended up finding the book as it was not intentional I came about it. I definitely appreciated the author's honesty. I was surprised how much I smiled reading a book about a young woman with cancer, but it also made me cry so there were both ends of the spectrum. I'm not sure I fully understand the conviction that "everything happens for a reason" is a complete lie. I guess I don't believe this. I do believe G-d has allowed me to suffer (multiple times) in my life and I do know it had a reason, but I can see how if you are part of this "prosperity gospel" (which I had never heard of before) that statement could mean something different. As she says in her book, to those who believe in the prosperity gospel, if something bad happened it meant that you were somehow failing in your faith or sinning. This is simply not the G-d I know. It is because he loves me that I have had to endure suffering so that I can learn to be more like him. I don't always understand the why or like it. It is painful as Hebrews 12:11 says. Each person and whatever they are going through will need to wrestle with G-d as Jacob did and we may even be left at a brook in Cherith or the wilderness in a cave like Elijah. What is the miracle is that she is still alive. This happened in 2015 and it is 2024 and she is still alive despite being given 2 months to live multiple times. Is that not a miracle that God would defy what medicine said was possible? Has he not redeemed her even if she is not cured? I mean she went from potentially leaving her husband and son to live the rest of this earthly life without her to seeing her son grow to 11 years old (which is how old he would be if he was 2 in the book). I do not know yet what it means to have joy in suffering either but we are told we should consider it (James 1:2-4). I think this book made me reflect on my own life as I also have a husband and a young daughter and I already had the miracle in my life of surviving death so I know that if I am still here there is a reason for it. He has a plan for me and I must seek it daily. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book and the thoughts it provoked. I would highly recommend it to anyone. Despite the content it did not make me feel depressed but hopeful of what work he is doing in others as well. We do not suffer alone. He is with us.

This morning in one sitting I read the new book "Everything Happens for a Reason and Other Lies I've Loved" by Kate Bowler, a divinity professor at Duke. Kate is diagnosed with stage 4 cancer at age 35 with a 2-year-old baby boy. After being given a few months to live she qualifies for a medical trial at Emory in Atlanta, and is still going today. The book is about the first year after the diagnosis and all the emotions and reactions she has to her pending death and the messy process of dying of cancer, then not dying of cancer and just living on waiting to die. I cried a number of times, but I'm known to be a free crier. It is a beautiful book, if a bit religious for my recent bend.One of the main points of the book is that things don't happen for a reason. In one of the many powerful vignettes in the book, a neighbor brings a casserole and tells Kate's husband that everything happens for a reason."I'd love to hear it," he replied."Pardon?" she said, startled."The reason my wife is dying," he said in that sweet and sour way he has, effectively ending the conversation.Kate can't quite commit to atheism, but it seems better to her to believe that life is random rather than God is cruel. "There can only be one reasonable conclusion, says a father whose children have all been cut down by disease: no one is listening."And yet she feels God. And by that she means: Love, Peace, Joy. "When I was sure I was going to die, I didn't feel angry. I felt loved." St. Augustine called it "the sweetness" and Thomas Aquinas called it "the prophetic light". It does not last or stay forever. But the feelings leave an imprint. She cannot deny the other that touched her life via these powerful feelings. "That is the God I believe in."The powerful closing message is that faced with death, one shouldn't "skip to the end", but rather get back to work. Not because everything is going to be okay. Not because the suffering will be less. But because life is more painful and more beautiful than we could ever have imagined. "Balls our Living. Balls out Grieving" is the motto she and a friend work out. I like it.There are two tiny appendices that make the book worth the purchase: Things never to say to someone experiencing a terrible time, and things to do/say in times of crises. Of course, "Everything happens for a reason" is on the not-to-say list. Food, hugs, presents, and sitting in silence are all on the to-do list.If you know anyone facing death or the death of a loved one, especially at a time unexpected, this book could be good balm for their soul, and yours.

I really enjoyed reading what it was like for the author to go through this horrific challenge, as well as the way she bore it all. There were some good life lessons learned. However, it was definitely more of a read about her journey through this experience, rather than a book about how to apply things to your own life (which I was hoping for based on the reviews). I also felt the ending was a little abrupt.

Warm, real, engaging and moving.

Being an atheist, with no experience of religious upbringing, I found the constant religigious references of the author disengaging. I purchased the book on the recommendation of Glennon Doyle, an author whose writing I like very much. A devout Christian herself, she too makes religious references but for some reason, in her writing, they did not interfere (for me) with the quintessentially human and totally relatable stories she tells about her life. I did not finish this book and returned it.

I will not recommend this book to no one. The best part is when you finish it, is a waste of time.

Kate Bowler, the author, wrote a great book which has helped me cope with the very recent death of my son. She is a completely honest account of her diagnosis ant the various traumatic events which she had to endure. She was a woman with malignent cancer who was filled with optimism and a good sense of humour for many of her trials. One of the helpful things is at the end where she lists questions or comments one should never make to terminal patients. To the best of my knowledge, she is still alive and teaching as usual. There was much to help me as I was facing the death of my son, and now have experienced that death.

Die Beschreibung des Lebens im Angesicht des plötzlich sehr nahen eigenen Todes, das “auf die Waage legen“ der Lebensweisheiten und Ratschläge von Predigerinnen und Predigern aus dieser Perspektive, haben mich sehr berührt. Ein ernstes, sehr hoffnungsvolles, sehr lebensfrohes Buch. Es ist auch als Ratgeber für die Begegnung mit leidenden Menschen sehr zu empfehlen.