Forgiveness is a Choice: A Step-by-Step Process for Resolving Anger and Restoring Hope Hardcover – September 15, 2001

My restorative work in higher education came after years of prison ministry as a chaplain. The familiar feelings of bitterness and resentment were rife in academic institutions just as much as correctional institutions. This book provided me with a process of thinking about how to handle such divisive feelings and get others to join a restorative circle. This book is integral to my work in Campus Engagement among faculty, staff, and students.

This book has been incredibly essential to my forgiveness and healing with my partner and the recent death of my mother. It is thoughtful and thought-provoking; exquisite in how it addresses almost every issue and concern we face in our almost ethereal comprehension of forgiveness. It truly brings a tangible feeling to the 'how' we forgive. The author's clear and concise in his writing and description on what forgiveness is/isn't, why we forgive, and detailed in his explanation on what the process is comprised of.Before this book, I had no idea that in order to forgive we had to go through a very systematic process; forgiveness IS a step-by-step process for addressing the underlying issues of our anger and resentments, not just addressing and trying to resolve the anger/resentment itself.I am extremely happy with "happening" upon this book.

This is one of the best books I've read in a while. The amount of research put into the studies is second to none. I also like that it looks at forgiveness from a health standpoint. The effects that unforgiveness has not only on your mental health but on your physical body is shocking. It's very practical. You will have to roll up your sleeves grab a note pad, a pen and do some real work. You will definitely uncover quite a bit; things that were tucked away and hidden in your heart begin to surface. Highly recommend this book to any and everybody who has ever been hurt by someone they love.

This is an excellent book on the topic of forgiveness, and more than just a "feel good", "Let's get into a positive place about hard things" book -- this one offers a concrete, step-by-step, practical approach. I was really impressed with the studies they had done at universities and the results they achieved, even with people who started out by say, "No, what happened to me was too terrible. I will never forgive." But we all know (or we suspect) that not forgiving keeps us in a state of mental, emotional, and sometimes physical unwellness. So although we don't have to condone the acts we are looking to forgive, the forgiving heals us. However this is not the kind of book you can read through, give some thought to and be "done." It asks you to do lots of writing (which is critical to this working), sometimes what might seem like repetitive writing, and it takes work. And it asks you to think about, remember, and feel some hard emotions. It's not an instant fix. It's a process, a healing process you put time and work into, but the results will be worth it. Over the years, for various reasons, I have worked with several counselors and therapist. Lots of times I felt like they were nice to talk too, but didn't give me real skills to solve what I was facing. This book does, I think.

accuracy well written

Author Robert Enright, PhD, combines the integrity of proven science with the empathy and devotion of a personal therapist.This book provides clarity and structure to the process of forgiving. If you are looking for a quick read with a quick fix, bypass this book and search instead for the latest trends in pop-psychology. If not, please read on.Dr. Enright uses case studies and decades of test data to formulate a step-by-step guide with comprehensivejournaling questions to enhance the reader’s personal experience. Here’s what you’ll learn:-The definitions of and differences between forgiveness, trust and reconciliation-How anger and resentment are managed in the forgiveness process-How to convert destructive thoughts into quieter, more healthful thoughts-How to regain self-respect through accepting your pain and giving the gift of mercy-Techniques to change how you remember the past-How to replace hopelessness with purposeFor me, reading this book was time well spent. If your goal is to release your mind and body from the emotional prison of past injustices, Forgiveness is a Choice is the perfect choice for you.Phillip LeggAuthor of, OWN THE JOB - 5 Surprising Strategies for a Thriving Early Career

I was raised in a family where forgive was considered an act of weakness and a thing that is not doable. Studying spirituality and all the self help books that I red all of them (not to speak about religion) claims that forgiving is so necessary. I could not believe that this could be helpful or that I could do it. Now I'm here to say that I forgave.. really! And it feels so good! I have not finished the book I reached only a half of it and I forgave, something clicked and I feel so much better.Highly recomendedEdit of 7.5.2015I had not really forgiven... it is not that automatic to me, still working on the subject

The author of  Happiness and Three Types of Forgiveness  described forgiveness as involving a change of heart. Likewise, Enright described forgiveness as including a decrease in negative feelings and an increase in positive feelings toward the wrongdoer. Enright explained that forgiveness necessitates unconditional mercy as well as respect toward the offender as a fellow human being. This does not entail condoning, forgetting or reconciling. (For reconciliation to occur, the offender must be repentant).Enright did an excellent job of providing strategies for coping with anger. He also delineated the phases of forgiveness and referred to it as a process which occurs on its own time. He succeeded in making the case for forgiveness. It lowers blood pressure and decreases fear, guilt, anger, depression and anxiety. It improves relationships and self-esteem. Perhaps most of all, forgiveness gives people hope.

The book came promptly and is in excellent condition, just like promised. This book is an amazing resource for those looking to understand what forgiveness is and how to achieve forgiveness. It's well-written and is truly effective.

Growing up, I was never taught how to forgive people or even that it might be a good or honourable thing to do. Pretty much everyone in my family can hold a grudge like you wouldn't believe. I was never granted forgiveness and so I never particularly felt that others should be either. I recognised quite a long time ago that I had difficulty forgiving people, but I didn't identify the habit of resentment as a contributing factor to poor mental health until more recently.The impetus for me to buy this book was a very unpleasant conflict with a supervisor, which left me angry, distracted, and afraid to be myself or speak up around people. Over a couple of months I went through the book and wrote most of the recommended journal entries. I think this book has been a very good introduction to forgiveness and I will be returning to it as a reference in the future.There are many good points about this book: 1) It provides a clear, step-by-step guide that includes an important definition of forgiveness and an exploration of why it is NOT the same thing as forgetting, excusing or reconciling 2) The author gives examples of controlled studies (albeit small ones) that were used to test and refine the methods given 3) Many case studies are included, with a range of “offences” from the relatively small to what some would consider unforgivable 4) The author is very empathetic and does not dismiss the deep pain and anger felt by the reader, or for that matter the victims in case studies where the offence might be dismissed as trivial by others.One thing I do actively disagree with the author on is that he states family members should always attempt to reconcile unless it is dangerous to do so. I disagree with this because there are certain people (including family members) that I derive zero benefit from being around. It may not be physically dangerous, but it causes me considerable stress and sets back the progress I have made over many years. Also, who is considered a family member? What about a stepsibling or an in-law? An ex-spouse? A distant cousin? This one point of his seemed very out-of-step with his otherwise scientific and well-justified approach. I imagine it comes from his faith; this would be fine if he stated that it was his personal belief, but the reason is not given in the text.Overall I would heartily recommend this book to anyone. I have hope for a more forgiving world...

We are using this book in a group setting and I is a wonderful resource. Much would seem to be common sense but I have observed that common sense is not all that common anymore.CaS

I really like the book. It is never too late to learn simple things in life. Got it for a gift as well, and my friend enjoy it.

Very straightforward, honest view, and detailed process. Easy to read and understand.