Let's Talk About Love Hardcover – January 23, 2018

I love Alice so much. I love her trying to figure out how to grow up, choose what she wants to do, maintain the friendships and family relationships she cares about, navigate various kinds of attraction and potential romantic relationships and what she wants in that regard. I love how she feels about her job, how she relates to TV shows and movies (and that she writes about them!), that she named her cat Glorificus, that she loves cuteness and food. She's a really well-written character, she feels like she has history(that you mostly don't feel like you're missing because it's integrated well), and I want to give her all the hugs.Feenie feels like few other characters I've read, and I'm so glad Alice has her. I don't know that I was fully satisfied with their relationship arc in the book, but Feenie is a delight and important in so many ways. Ryan is a sweetheart, and I appreciated that Alice has a relationship with him that's not just through Feenie. Moschoula is a very minor character, but every time she appeared was great. We got a lot of Essie at the library early, and I was disappointed when there was a long stretch of the book without her and the library.Alice's family relationships are complicated. I liked where her relationship with her parents goes. Her relationships with Aisha and Adam, her siblings, are more static and not addressed as much. (There's a lot of avoidance, and it doesn't have the ending that the parental relationship does.)I really appreciated that people weren't default white; Kann consistently described skin color. I liked the ways that race came up because it matters in both Alice and Takumi's lives.Despite what I said about history earlier, there are a lot of events within the timeline of the book that happen off-screen. Alice and Takumi do lots of things together, and there's an exercise Alice talks about doing for her counselor that we don't see. This could be fine, but it ends up feeling like a lot, and some of it is important. It also makes it really hard to keep track of time; the book manages to feel both like too much and too little within a single summer.Before I talk about the ace representation, a major warning for ace readers: The first chapter is the breakup scene mentioned in the blurb. It is very real in many ways, and even without having experienced most of those anti-ace reactions myself, it was an incredibly rough read. Please be prepared and take care of yourself. Alice remembers some other anti-ace stuff she dealt with in detail in the next couple of chapters, but after that it's not very present. All of it is called out.(I also want to note that one of the anti-ace statements is calling Alice "the Corpse." Again, it's called out, but that ace/death connection is used pejoratively.)Alice is biromantic asexual. (She thinks about the spectrum through the book but doesn't change IDs. She feels arousal at one point, but she mostly ends up thinking it wasn't sexual attraction.) She specifically refers to herself as queer at one point. She feels aesthetic attraction and romantic attraction, both of which are named. She also loves cuddling, so she feels contact attraction, but that's not named. She likes cuddling, hugging, and kissing. She doesn't want to have sex (and she says repeatedly that she doesn't think about sex), but she's probably closer to indifferent or averse than repulsed. "I don't see the point. I don't need it. I don't think about it."Alice knows she's ace, and she's known since high school, but she's not out to many people. (A note: her health teacher introduced her to the word "asexual." Points to that teacher.) She has something of a community on Tumblr, but it seems pretty casual. She talks about faking a crush in middle school, trying to be in a relationship in high school while trying to figure out romantic vs sexual attraction, and having sex to see if it changed anything/see how she felt about it. A lot of this felt so very real, and I appreciated it a lot. (I identify very much with faking a crush in middle school, with getting bored while kissing, and with not knowing whether someone is flirting or not.)Alice feels something that is somewhere between sexual attraction and stronger aesthetic attraction than she's ever experienced before. It's really confusing for her, and I appreciated that confusion a lot. I know I've said this a couple of times already, but it's so real. My first experience of just that type of ?? attraction was less dramatic than Alice's, but it was really disorienting and confusing for me. Even though Alice continues to identify as "straight up ace" (in Feenie's words) and not gray-ace or another spectrum ID, I think this scene will resonate with a lot of spec folks. This section of the book includes this fantastic line:"Alice had always wondered what physical attraction would feel like, and while she didn't necessarily dislike it, she wished there were a button she could press to turn it back off."(I particularly like this because "physical attraction" is what I called that confusing in-between place and was also what I called what I didn't feel before I had the words about asexuality.)Alice has a really affirming conversation with Feenie around attraction and sex and identity/the spectrum. (Not all of Feenie's ideas in this conversation are good ones, but it was so lovely to read.)When Alice is first dealing with this attraction, there was a statement that felt like it conflated arousal and attraction to me a bit. I couldn't figure out exactly what about it was bothering me, but I was uncomfortable. But later in the book, this exact issue comes up in a conversation between Alice and her counselor,and her counselor explicitly says that the two are distinct. So, I thought the book did a good job calling out the differences among sexual attraction, romantic attraction, aesthetic attraction, arousal, and sex favorability.Alice's jogging and sex comparison is useful in her conversation with Takumi, but when it comes back at the end with the line "Either you enjoy doing it or you don't," I was not... pleased? There are a lot of aces that's not true for.The word "squish" is used on-page! I was really happy to see it. The book does a good job of valuing friendship overall. I would have been happier if aromanticism were acknowledged (especially because "squish" is really influenced by the aromantic community). More about aromanticism later.We got this line from Ryan, which I appreciated for many reasons: "I say this cautiously because it's not the only answer, but maybe try dating someone who's ace, too." It's not the only answer; he's right. But it's a possible answer that so rarely see even acknowledged in ace books. The world is not so full of allos that we don't have any choice but to date them if we want to date.That said, there were several moments in the book that weren't aro-friendly. (It's far from the worst alloro ace book I've read in that regard, but still.)*There's a scene that conflates feeling romantic attraction/being romantically in love, "being very loving," and liking romantic stories. These are very much not equivalent.*The line "Love was intangible. Universal" comes up in a context where it could be general but Alice has been talking about romance, so it still stings a little.*"Love is love" is referenced in a positive way.*There's this, and it's very specific to Alice. I'm not sure how I feel about it, but I think it needs some unpacking and would bother some of my other aro friends in a "I'm not more broken than you" way: "The bottom line was her body had never shown so much as a flicker of sexual interest in anyone. But that didn't mean she liked being alone. That didn't mean she wasn't lonely. That didn't mean she didn't want romance and didn't want to fall in love. It didn't mean she couldn't love someone just as fiercely as they loved her."*Takumi is skeptical of the idea of non-romantic soulmates. (Alice is very insistent on the idea, though, which I appreciated.)There's one spot that's inclusive of nonbinary folks, but then at another point "opposite sex" is used.Warning for sexual harassment.

The cover! The feels! The #ownvoices! The #representationmatters! The #BlackGirlMagic! My happy dance!!!The glorious fro!!!! The #carefreeblackgirl joy!!!This book should be front and center on every endcap and cash wrap in every single bookstore!!! There should be no excuses for this to not be made into a rom-com starring Keke Palmer and some cute struggling Japanese or Japanese-American actor who deserves a chance to become America's new Bae.Hollywood, make it happen and don't you DARE pull that colorist nonsense you're so fond of.Anyway, Alice is the kind of queer PoC representation we've long needed in not just YA, but in fiction as a whole. She's ACE/bi-romantic/greysexual and she's not here to serve as the sassy Black best friend of a needy White heroine who needs relationship advice (how many times have we seen/read that trope). She's not here to serve as a trauma llama to "explain" why sex as such isn't her raison d'etre. Alice just IS."Love shouldn't hinge solely on exposing your physical body to another person. Love was intangible. Universal. It was whatever someone wanted it to be and should be respected as such. For Alice, it was staying up late and talking about nothing and everything and anything because you didn't want to sleep--you'd miss them too much."However, Alice has more than just her ACE spectrum to deal with. She's stuck trying to please her loving yet strict and unbending parents (aided and abetted by her older sister and brother), all of whom insist she go to law school despite the fact that her heart isn't in it. Add to that a slow shift in the friendship between rough and tumble lifelong best friend Feenie and her fiancee, Ryan. In short, just another day in the life.And Alice is a huge geek! Yay for Black geek girls!!!One thing I truly appreciated about Let's Talk About Love is the depiction of an upper-middle class Black family who expect their children to excel. This might not be a huge deal to most readers, but when the media at large has gone out of its way to show Black families as dysfunctional, poverty stricken and criminally minded, having images of strong, loving and functional Black families is a breath of fresh air. Especially because many of us actually live such lives, regardless of economic status.So Alice has just broken up with her girlfriend Margot because she didn't understand why Alice just wasn't interested in the physical act of sex. And while Alice herself didn't lack the vocabulary to explain that love and sex were different, that she could still love and desire romance, it was also difficult for her to make such a thing make sense. Granted that our society places such an emphasis upon sex as a huge part of romantic relationships, I understood Alice's fears, though I'm far from ACE."The bottom line was her body had never shown so much as a flicker of sexual interest in anyone. But that didn't mean she liked being alone. That didn't mean she wasn't lonely. That didn't mean she didn't want romance and didn't want to fall in love. It didn't mean she couldn't love someone just as fiercely as they loved her."Enter Takumi." He was gorgeous--and that was not a word Alice threw around lightly. Not just "Hi, I'm the new boy next door" gorgeous, but the kind of gorgeous that would make you want to slap your mama. The kind of gorgeous you'd stab your best friend of twenty years in the back, set her house on fire, and drive off into the sunset with her husband for. Have sex in the break room at work even though you know there are security cameras in there gorgeous."The one guy who throws everything that Alice thought she understood and turns it inside out. Alice's "Cutie Code" went haywire and she found herself watching him while she's supposed to be working (Alice works at a library - I knew we were book bae).Apparently, Takumi is just as taken with Alice and enjoys being around her. Their growing friendship obviously complicates things. She's ACE. How does she tell Hottie Mac Sexypants that she's not interested in sex, but that she still likes him? How does she make it make sense to her, and why does she feel she has to constantly explain her existence?Hence her trip to Dr. Burris (I envisioned Tituss Burguss as the doctor - what happens when you binge watch The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt). Again, showing Black people as seeking out and utilizing therapy. We don't see that enough and it matters."Asexuality isn't something that's black or white. There is a multitude of shades of gray in between. Being potentially sexually attracted to one particular person isn't as outlandish as you've convinced yourself it is."While all of this is happening, there were maddening instances of daily ignorance (aka microaggressions) that Alice has to carefully navigate. Such as having to explain her hair and why she doesn't want anyone touching it (I know the pain girlfriend, and my rule of thumb is keep your damn hands off my hair because I'm not your pet). She also dealt with the not-compliment "you're pretty cute for a Black girl." Yes Virginia, some clueless guys think this is flattering. It's NOT. And piggybacked onto that is "I've never been with a Black girl before", to which Alice responds:"Allow me to be the one to burst your bubble: don't think you're going to start here."This scene left me in a rage-fest because Alice's best friends who decided to go upstairs and have a romantic moment, left her alone with a guy who didn't understand personal space or consent. And later, one of my complaints with her was she didn't take Feenie to the mat for having ditched her. In fact, she spent a great deal of the book thinking it was her fault.Where have we heard this before?Anyway, back to Takumi.He babysits his twin nieces, is kind of a health nut cooking genius and somehow manages to get Alice into doing things like paragliding. Unfortunately the closer they become, the more confused and scared Alice becomes. The elephant in the room is her asexuality and she has no idea if it will end what feels right to her.And as much as her best friend Feenie is truly ride or die, there were times I wanted to snatch that girl's ponytail and put some common sense in her. Then again, true best friends can fight one minute then be ready to bury a body the next. That's Alice and Feenie.Of course, the book is chock full of diverse characters who are fully realized. Alice's struggle to understand herself and to find what makes her happy is something we can all relate to, regardless of what the character looks like. Too bad some readers see "Black character" and think "oh it's probably going to have street slang and I can't relate though I just finished a book about a wealthy shape-shifting vampire dominant."I could have had this book finished in a day or two, but I forced myself to read slowly and savor. To tell you how much I loved this book, I'm purchasing the hardcover to sit nicely on my physical PoC on the Covers bookshelves. I love looking at all that wonderful diversity and thinking how far we've come, as well as the journey we still need to take. Why the fight for #WeNeedDiverseBooks and #ownvoices has to continue. Needless to say, there are more books featuring awesome PoC heroines, so this year will be awesome!

Uma história leve, clichê e sem grandes conflitos, mas com um tempero de representatividade ace. Temos uma protagonista assexual e birromântica.

It's important to note that asexuality is a spectrum so not all representation is accurate for all of us. It took me just over six months and four attempts to finish this book because I wanted to love it and just couldn't even get into it. Mostly because parts of the representation are quite problematic to me, (like Feenie 's horrendous advice to sleep with Takumi and just see if she now liked sex - which would be unhealthy for both Alice and Takumi) , I also found Alice so immature in the way she deals with every facet of her life and between Feenie's strangely co-dependant friendship and her peer pressure style relationship with her family she doesn't get many opportunities to actually develop her own views on things. The two good things in this book are her counsellor (who is the only person who consistently says accurate, helpful and healthy things and encouraged Alice to reflect on what she wants independent of a romantic partner) and the discussion she has at the end of the book with Takumi. I definitely wouldn't want this book to be the sole basis of your views on Asexuality.

This book follows Alice who is black and identifies as biromantic asexual who has just been dumped by her girlfriend at the beginning of the story because she isn’t interested in sex. Alice spends the summer working in a library where she meets Takumi who she feels drawn to.I really liked the character of Alice she is really fun and quirky. She loves aesthetics and I adore her cutie code which is where she rates everything from green to red (red being the cutest).I also loved her character development and how she can admit that she has faults. I also really liked Takumi and how kind and understanding he is. I also really like the romance between them.I love the diversity within this book and it is the first book featuring an asexual main character that I’ve read. While I can only testify for the biromantic representation overall I feel that it was done well and I finished the book with a much better understanding of asexuality than I did going into it. I also love how it shows counselling in such a positive light.Overall, I really enjoyed this book, it was both entertaining to read and informative and I would highly recommend it. I gave this book 4 out of 5 stars.

This was an LGBTQA+ book, with the emphasis on the B and A. It's young adult fiction, so was dialogue and anxiety heavy, but it was a good read. I thought it covered asexuality and sexuality in general very well, along with the soul searching that goes with it. Alice was very likable, and I enjoyed the viewpoint of a black author / protagonist.I am probably not the target audience, at 38 years old, but I am on the asexual spectrum and enjoyed the way it covered some of the pertinent issues.

Im going to be frank. This book made me uncomfortable.So why did I give it 5 stars? It made me uncomfortable because when I read it I saw part of myself clear as day on the page. Some of the struggles of Alice were and are my struggles! Right there on the page.The more I read the more my discomfort slipped away and I welcomed the feeling of being understood and also understanding. I am not black, there are some struggles Alice faces that I can only try to imagine and comprehend. This doesn't detract from the book.If you're interested in learning about asexuality, I recommend this book. If you want to read about your own experiences of sexuality this book might be for you. Or it might be too hard hitting. And that's okay. I had to stop a few times.But what I will say? Our girl gets her happy ending.