The Revolution Starts at Home: Confronting Intimate Violence Within Activist Communities

When I first read the tagline for this book "Confronting Intimate Violence Within Activist Communities" I wasn't entirely sure how helpful it would be for understanding and thinking through intimate violence -in general- but as I love INCITE's perspective and work I decided to give it a go anyway; and I am so glad I did. It's truly hard to encapsulate in a few words all that this book is, but I can tell you, if what you're trying to think through or understand are myriad forms of intimate violence and abuse without the common black and white frame of "if he hits you, you leave him and report him to the police!": this is your book.

If you are an activist, this book is for you.

This book taught me so much about what true community and accountability means.

This is an excellent book jammed packed full of awesome information such as transformative and restorative justice and the resource - '"How is gender oppression within progressive, radical and/or revolutionary movement(s) maintained, supported, encouraged? However I've noticed that the group of contributors know each other, work with each other and therefore I will only give this book a 3 star rating. I wish other voices would of been included that are not well known or even excluded within these so called "movements" and "spaces." This book is very focused on urban and urban movements. It lacks ways to take action in rural, remote and even reservation communities, although there is mention of Indigenous-Native women's issues but not in respect to life on the rez. If this book is to speak of marginalized experiences then it should include writers, poets and community organizers (workers) who are not well known, excluded, on the margins and outskirts. Those of us at home are doing some of the hardest work. I've found that many of these "alternative" and "progressive" movements exclude those of us who are doing the work in a rural, remote and reservation communities. Additionally, the book leans politically left which is fine however there are allies and voices who are more conservative or even identify as Republican. This book misses the mark that allies can be found on the "other side." I would like to see a second book which is more inclusive to those of us who are taking action and doing community work on these very difficult issues in rural, remote, reservation communities as well as those of us who lean more politically right and conservative identifying.

This was an important but hard read for me. I have a complicated relationship with community-based solutions violence & harm, deeply believing in their necessity as a prison abolitionist but also having witnessed the many times they haven't worked for me & others. That aside, I think this collection can give activists & organizers a lot to think about, discuss, practice, retweak, try again. I was most moved by "Ending Oppression. Building Solidarity. Creating Community Solutions." and "Seeking Asylum" because of the former's concrete tools & processes and the latter's focus on ableism & disability justice. I know for myself, I needed time for healing from acute trauma before I could dive in to this volume because of how some of the language has felt / does feel like victim-blaming, making false equivalencies, and expectations of forgiveness or emotional labor in order to prove one's "wokeness", but I think the viewpoints offered can add to a toolbox of approaches when thinking about how to approach harm & violence within activist communities.

I first read The Revolution Starts at Home: Confronting Intimate Violence Within Activist Communities (ed. Ching-In Chen, Jai Dulani, Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha), in 2015, not long out of an abusive relationship, and it helped me make sense of what I’d experienced. In it, I found people who had been in situations like mine, caught between oppression from society at large and abuse in their own relationships and communities. I returned to it this year for hope and guidance in dealing with violence and abuse in my own communities, and it continues to deliver.The Revolution Starts at Home is an anthology of essays and a few poems about people surviving and resisting violence, seeking alternatives to the state’s dangerous and often inadequate interventions. It’s divided into four sections: “Safety at the Intersections of Intimate, Community, and State Violence,” “On Survivorship,” “(Re)claiming Body, (Re)claiming Space,” and “We Are Ready Now.” As in life, the boundaries between these sections are fluid and a little bit arbitrary.My favorite section, in 2015 and now, is “On Survivorship.” Gina de Vries’ essay “Homewrecker” describes a relationship with a lesbian who endlessly criticized her and created an us-against-the-world dynamic in which boys were the enemy and bisexuality was both too queer and not queer enough. Biphobic abuse had been one of the hardest parts of my own relationship to talk about, because people who barely understand abuse in queer relationships are doubly unprepared for when lesbians weaponize biphobia against their partners. “Homewrecker” made me feel seen and understood in a way I desperately needed.Right after “Homewrecker” is “The Secret Joy of Accountability: Self-Accountability as a Building Block for Change” by Shannon Perez-Darby. I remembered this essay as another for my favorites from 2015, but its title scared me when I returned to it. Accountability for survivors? That sounds dangerously like victim-blaming. But it’s not. “Accountability” continues to strike me as a peculiar word choice, but the essay is about the fact that survivors make choices, even when those choices are constrained by violence against them, and that survivors’ resistance can look like abuse if you’re focused on individual actions instead of patterns of power and control in the relationship. This is crucial for anti-violence activists to understand, and it helped me release fear and guilt from my own relationship, too.The next essay, “Seeking Asylum: On Intimate Partner Violence and Disability” by Peggy Munson, offers a crucial analysis of how unmet survival needs and the difficulty of accessing reliable caregiving makes disabled people susceptible to abuse and may even make sometimes-caring, sometimes-abusive partners more desirable than the alternative. It also discusses specific tactics abusers may use to maintain control over disabled victims, in connection with abusers’ more general strategies.I won’t go over the rest of the book in such fine detail, but it contains reflections on survivors’ and community organizers’ guiding principles and language, their stories, and the specifics of their intervention strategies. The writers move smoothly and consciously between the general and the personal, so readers can observe practices that could be applied in other situations as well as how communities adapt those practices in their specific work. The Revolution Starts at Home is full of different organizations’ and communities’ step-by-step models for supporting survivors and holding abusers accountable. It helps me feel like there’s a way forward.As co-editor Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha acknowledges in the preface to the second edition, The Revolution Starts at Home marginalizes sick and disabled people and trans women. Beyond Peggy Munson’s essay, disability rarely comes up in any way but survivors’ trauma. I long for resources about how to navigate situations of abuse in which two disabled people accuse each other of abuse and symptoms such as brainfog, memory problems, and dissociation complicate an already difficult situation. I want resources to help me distinguish between nonnormative but respectful disabled ways of being and relating in relationships and behavior that’s influenced by disability and crosses the line. This book can’t give me that.The Revolution Starts at Home includes an essay by a trans guy (“Freedom & Strategy/Trauma & Resistance” by Timothy Colm), but it’s largely a letdown on trans issues and occasionally a complete mistake. Several essays mention genderqueer people as a vulnerable population, but they don’t really dig into the specific ways transness influences abuse situations. One of the resources in the back refers to society privileging “males and the male-identified” and devaluing “female and the female-identified,” which raises some cis-as-default red flags, and “Without My Consent” by Bran Frenner invokes the incoherent and transmisogynistic concept of “male bodied privilege.”Still, The Revolution Starts at Home is a vital and foundational text for anyone experiencing or healing from intimate violence and anyone looking for preventative or reactive solutions. Wherever you are in your understanding of these issues, this book will give you information, strategies, and the hope to carry on. I’m glad to have it in my collection and expect to return to it many more times.