Parenting Beyond Power: How to Use Connection and Collaboration to Transform Your Family -- and the World

Jen Lumanlan makes a profound connection between today’s social structures and norms with the way we were parented. She offers a more collaborative approach as an alternative. She shows us how to do this step by step with examples and suggested scripts. The scripts offer more wiggle room than other parenting books I’ve read which offer very prescriptive scripts in a language most people (except parenting gurus) use. I really appreciate the book for this!I am halfway through but wanted to go ahead and give 5 stars because I am really enjoying this book.

I've followed Jen's podcast for years and her online workshops and memberships have been instrumental in helping me take steps towards being the parent I want to be. Jen's style is easy to read (or listen on Audio), and process. I find the context of the cultural "toxic soup" of patriarchy, capitalism, and white supremacy, we have all been raised in is really helpful for understanding why we respond to our children's behaviour the way we do and why it's so hard to change even after reading ALL the other positive parenting books! This book is different. It really brings all of Jen's research, knowledge, and communication tools together in a cohesive way to help parents actually create truly respectful relationships with our children and exactly how to do that.

This book is the answer to a harmonious home and achieving the magical balance of meeting everyone's needs in a family.I have been following Jen's work for over 3 years and I can't really put into words quite how impactful she has been in my life. This book summarises everything I have learned from her in one place.

Jen provides us with useful, effective tools on how to have a happy harmonious relationships in our families and the wider community. It was very accessible and offered lots of starter scripts and examples for troubleshooting those difficult "power battles" you get into. I'm sure I'll read it multiple times and use it as a reference guide for years to come.

"Parenting Beyond Power" offers an empowering perspective on parenting, introducing a needs-based and problem-solving approach that has been a game-changer for many parents, including myself. Jen skillfully addresses the often-overlooked truth that parents have needs too, and the importance of meeting those needs for a more balanced and harmonious family dynamic.The author dives into societal factors that contribute to the challenges of parenting, acknowledging the difficulty and loneliness often associated with the journey. What sets this book apart is its exploration of how parenting can be a force for social change, influencing the world one child at a time. This perspective adds depth to the narrative and motivates readers to see their parenting role as part of a broader transformative process.Having recommended this book to fellow parents, I can attest to its effectiveness in reshaping parenting paradigms. The emphasis on resolving conflicts by meeting everyone's needs rather than asserting power over the child has been a revelation. My interactions with my two children (4 and nearly 2) have had a positive transformation, moving towards a relationship built on collaboration and problem-solving rather than authoritative control (which is not the approach I was raised with!). The distinction between limits and boundaries, as explored in Chapter 5, is particularly enlightening and has had a profound impact not just on parenting but on adult relationships as well.Jen's expertise extends beyond the pages of the book, with her podcast, online courses, and broader body of work providing a comprehensive set of resources for parents practicing gentle and respectful (as well as evidenced-based) parenting. As a follower of Jen's work for more than four years, I appreciate the meticulous research evident in the book, connecting parenting to larger societal systems such as patriarchy, capitalism, and structural racism. The inclusion of practical application suggestions adds value, making the book a go-to resource for parents seeking both understanding and actionable guidance.In sum, "Parenting Beyond Power" stands out as a well-researched, transformative guide. Jen's approach not only reshapes individual parenting styles but also advocates for a societal shift, making it an essential read for parents committed to raising children in a collaborative, respectful, and socially aware environment.

In order to overcome inequity, oppression, power over dynamics and create a world where everyone belongs, we have to raise our kids outside of patriarchy, white supremacy and the competitive winner takes all of capitalism. In so doing, we learn and change too.I admire the courageous leadership that Jen is modelling in writing this book. Practical and wise parenting guidance within the context of raising awareness of our actions and what they signify to our children and any children within the circle of our lives.THIS is the type of parenting book we need. Bravo Jen! Much needed and much appreciated!

I've read many parenting books and for the most part I'm happy to take what I like from them and leave what I don't like. I was happy that this book had stuff that I really liked, even if it's not all easy to implement. Since I follow this authors podcast I knew going into it her opinion and views on things that are bigger picture things like societal issues. I admire Jen to push us to think of these things.Parenting through collaboration is something that resonates with me as it is not how I was parented and I can see the benefits of creating a relationship with my small child now that'll be the foundation for how we interact with each other for the rest of our lives. My plan is not to hope for the best through the teenage years, my plan is to enjoy every stage of parenting.I enjoyed the format this book was written in and when I finished I did wish for more so I do hope more books come from her.

I had a not-so-great relationship with my mom, so ever since I became a parent I've been very interested in finding a parenting approach that would help me build a solid relationship with my child, but at the same time avoid becoming an overly "permissive" parent. I read a number of parenting books & listened to many podcasts in the respectful / "authoritative" parenting 'genre'. While many of them were helpful in shifting my perspective about why kids behave the way they do, and what kids need from parents, I was still very much struggling to find the "middle ground" that is not too authoritarian but also not too permissive.Jen's needs-based, problem solving approach provided the critical missing link for me -- parents have needs too, and we deserve to get our needs met! Once I started to frame challenging parenting situations in terms of my child's unmet needs & my own unmet needs, I stopped worrying about finding the Goldilocks middle between too strict and too permissive. I have a new north star now -- that of meeting everyone's needs. The distinction between limits and boundaries, covered in Chapter 5 is also such an eyeopener, and it's been transformational not only in parenting but in my relationships with adults too. I also appreciate so much Jen's perspectives on how societal factors make parenting not only a difficult but lonely endeavor, and how we could be a force for social change through our parenting, one child at a time.

I found this book so helpful! It offers strategies that you can implement right away to improve your relationships with not only your children but with your family and friends too. I’m very familiar with Jen’s work through her podcast, but I deeply appreciated what she shared about herself in this book and how she connected the dots between how we’re all struggling and the systems of oppression around us. Those connections help alleviate the shame I’ve felt about not being able to do some of this stuff well in the past.