Getting to Zero: How to Work Through Conflict in Your High-Stakes Relationships

I’m a marriage therapist and I’ve read ALOT of relationship books. This is definitely one of the best. Great solid, practical skills.

This book (along with Jayson and Ellen’s other work and classes) have reached a place so deep in my soul that it’s hard to imagine what life was like before I read it. Dramatic? Maybe. But oh so true and I’m not afraid to admit it. You know when you’ve have an underlying current of thought and emotion, maybe stress, that you or someone else hasn’t quite been able to put words or structure to? This book did that for me, and to varying degrees for everyone I’ve shared it with. It sheds a light on so many innate and essential parts to the human experience and leads you to a place of “oh shit, it IS me”. Followed by guidance and structure and insight on how to navigate your way through that uncomfortable (AF) feeling with yourself and others. It is a true gift to the community and I would highly recommend reading it, multiple times! Like a favorite textbook, every time I go back to it I find something new and applicable that changes my ability to reconnect that day or week. I may even have to purchase another book since I’ve underlined and flipped most corners. We need more students of the self to solve the issues of the us, and this book is a beautiful and precious step on that journey. Thank you for writing it!!

Love, love, love Jayson’s approach to creating harmony within yourself first, then those who are important in your life. Do yourself a favor, drop your ego, breath and take a deep dive. I’ve never been as excited to live differently as I am now. I can’t get enough. His writing is easy to read,carefully thought out in how to help you unwrap what it means to “lean in” to the discomfort of conflict. I’ve shared with tons of friends already and can’t wait to reread.Give yourself an opportunity to be the author of your life. This work will fill you with energy to live and love in a deeper, more meaningful way.

A user guide for humans! An incredibly powerful book IF you do the work. Jayson has delved deeply into finding out what makes for great relationship. From therapy and neurobiology, to relational studies and developmental psychology. Standing on the shoulders of giants Jayson has learned from the best and studied with many of the Greats. There's not a stone left unturned. A veritable wealth of experience in here, nuggets of gold from decades of study, and self-experimentation, all presented in a graspable way. He's filled the book with analogies and examples that help remind us of the tools. There are useful action points at the end of each chapter to help us integrate the lessons. There is no fantasy offered here, no illusion of it being easy, no shortcuts. A roadmap that if navigated together, will lead through trials and discomfort to some kinda fabulous (one that embraces conflict and difficult conversations all the way). To top it off, Jayson admits, even though he and his partner are deeply embedded in this work they still face issues and annoyances (often)... there's something fabulously human and realistic about that. No fantasy of perfection. The realness of a dance that might well include the occasional foot-stomper or fall. But a dance that has grace and kindness and moments of magic.

My husband and I are working through this book together, reading each chapter separately then coming together to discuss. I seriously think this may be what saves our marriage, or if not, what enables each of us to come to our next relationship from a much more centered place, and to know that we've given it our best. This is far and away the best book I've ever encountered for helping readers understand how they contribute to conflict, how they trigger and are triggered by their partners, and how to work together to do learn and grow from the conflict with greater awareness and compassion. I can't recommend this highly enough.

Jayson really nails so many important concepts of conflict in his book. So many parts I found to be extremely helpful and a few parts that were a bit over my head. The book along with listening to Jaysons podcast and instagram shares has been extremely helpful in having an understanding of where I'm triggered during conflict as well as having a clearer understanding of how and why the man I'm dating communicates ( or lack there of ) the way he does. With understanding comes compassion so over all I think this book is REALLY GOOD. Now getting my partner to read it as well....thats another story. I purchased two books but my favorite is listening to Jayson's voice on the Audible version. It's soothing and calm and gives me a chance to listen to certain parts over and over AGAIN!! Thank you Jayson

I’ve often betrayed myself by not speaking up and leaning into conflict, thus my needs go unmet, and I live in fear, believing the world is not a safe or accommodating place for me. I bought this book at a critical juncture in life where a lot of big issues were on the table. Before I was even half of the way through the book, things began shifting for me. I began to lean into conflict, and to my surprise, the world around me began to meet me in the middle, and conflicts began getting actual real time resolved. As my conflicts began to dissipate, I began to feel safer in my body and world, and began to be able to approach conflict and my needs from a heart space of seeking understanding and unity for both parties, rather than from a space of fear and a need to win. Life changing. I can begin to be a source of peace in the world rather than one of separation and disrepair. Grateful to author for pouring his heart into this book.

This book makes me want to scream from a rooftop and tell everyone I know to go read it! Will save you years of couple’s therapy!I’ve read a lot of books on relationships and having hard conversations, and this brings it all together! The theory behind why conflict happens, and is super actionable!This will be the new bubble for any couple mark my words. Even my boyfriend devoured it and felt so “enlightened” and empowered after reading.

In relationships, Unaddressed Unsettled feelings, which seem to disappear after a while, often pile up in the subconscious of the brain. They could play out in nasty ways in the couse of interactions in our relationships often at the detriment of the bonds. Only when one is conscious to the makings of one' mind, can one see the issue at all before proceeding to address it. This book does the exact thing where it gives us pointers to hold ourselves and watch us in our relationships so that we see what the issue is, before "really" attempting to solve the problem. A great work by the author. Am Grateful to have stumbled upon Jayson gaddis' work!

I am a counsellor and self development junkie so I absolutely love this book. It explains the relationship dynamic that so many people go through, and let’s you see both sides of the story which some books don’t. I wish everyone could read this because we could all have happier relationships or be more equipped to leave relationships that aren’t going to improve. Thanks Jayson, your work is an inspiration.

I often felt misunderstood in my marriage, at work, and with friends. I felt the anger in my chest and stomach. I felt lost and powerless.This book explains in simple English why this happens, and what to do about it.This book allowed me to understand the dynamics of conflict and how to navigate through disputes to mutual appreciation.

Jayson does an excellent job making this book easy to understand while providing a ton of useful insight and information. Some books like this quote so much research and studies that make it hard to wrap your head around what the actual point is, but Jayson doesn't talk in circles. There are plenty of relatable scenarios, conflict examples and guides for working through to find a repair. One of the best self help books I've read, I only wish I had it years ago.