Trapeze: The Unexpurgated Diary of Anaïs Nin, 1947–1955

What a pleasure “Trapeze” is from start to finish! Before “Trapeze,” the last published “Unexpurgated Diary of Anais Nin” was “Mirages” which concluded with Anais and Rupert Pole meeting. She finally felt she found her perfect match. When I began “Trapeze,” I truly expected the ordinary 'we're so happy, life is blissful' words that most books would continue with, but I should have realized that there is nothing ordinary about Anais Nin! Instead, “Trapeze” is raw, brave and honest.It turns out that Rupert is overly critical about everything Anais does. He micromanages how she cuts the lettuce for the salad, and he blames her when the car breaks down even though the garage man says the car was just worn out. Anais finds Rupert exceedingly cheap and unbearably frugal, criticizing her for getting her hair washed at the hairdresser's rather than doing it herself at home. She finds his family and friends boring and feels restless with the slow pace of country living in California. Luckily for Anais, she has New York City to return to every month or so where she remains married to Hugo, her longtime husband. She and Hugo have a history together, but she has never experienced the type of passion that she has with Rupert.“Trapeze” was an eye-opener to me because for the first time, readers get the inside story of Anais' bicoastal lifestyle. I've been reading Anais Nin's Diaries and biographies about her for many years, and my general belief was that Anais only remained married to Hugo out of obligation, and that she was miserable with Hugo any time she had to return to him from the home she shared with Rupert in California. “Trapeze” is the only account I've come across that paints a completely different portrait of how she really viewed these two relationships. Although she definitely enjoyed a more satisfying passionate life with Rupert, she says that passion is not enough. She feels as though she is walking on eggs with Rupert over his constant criticalness of her and his need to control everything she uses and buys, and what they do together. When Anais tells him that housework takes hours away from her writing and suggests they hire a maid, he refuses to do so because he doesn't want to spend the money. Meanwhile, in New York City, Anais and Hugo employ a very dedicated and pleasant woman named Millicent whom Anais treats well and splits household duties with. Anais is completely honest with her readers when she admits that one of the reasons she enjoys life with Hugo is because of the luxuries he gives her. She also finds New York living more exciting since Hugo has quit his job at the bank and has decided to focus his life on his new artistic career of filmmaking. Anais is able to help him on his films and socialize with artistic people, something she rarely does with Rupert.“Trapeze” gave me the impression that although Rupert was a better sexual partner for Anais, things wouldn't have worked out for them in the long run if she didn't have Hugo and their New York City lifestyle to return to. They each provided a necessary respite from the other when one of them had become too much for her to bear. This was a revelation to me, and I think will be a surprise to Anais' fans. In the beginning of the book, even Rupert seems to be the type of man who shuns a complete commitment. Seems to me that he only got serious with Anais because he could get regular breaks from her which he most likely never got from any of his previous relationships. Plus he has a wandering eye which Anais surmises is due to his need to stroke his ego. He is constantly saying how beautiful other women are. On one of her trips away, Anais finds a poem on Rupert's desk that was written by another woman that says that Rupert kissed her. She is not even attractive, and Rupert claims that it was “nothing,” and she is “of no importance.” Anais is incredibly shaken. When she has a chance to think, she tells him he should do whatever he wants while she is away, but she doesn't want to know about it and doesn't want him to flirt with other women in front of her. Oddly enough, he seems to have a need to flirt with other women right in front of her. She also says that he didn't have to leave the poem out in the open on his desk for her to find and that he should have just thrown it away.Anais' maturity shines through in “Trapeze.” She is now in her late forties and has been through the ringer with relationships according to the long string of romances she had in “Mirages.” She has nowhere to go but to get real with herself about Rupert and Hugo, both of whom she has chosen to remain with. She doesn't portray a “happily ever after” scenario which seems to be very irrestible in most books. Instead, she just tries to survive and do the best she can with what she's got.On a lighter note, “Trapeze” describes Anais' discovery of drinking Martinis which allows her to calm her thoughts and ease her intensity. It's something she says she would have done years ago had she allowed herself to relax more and indulge in drinking as a soother.There is also a beautifully emotional passage at the end of “Trapeze” regarding the death of her mother, Rosa, who is a prominent figure in most of the Diaries.Overall, “Trapeze” depicts Anais displaying a maturity we hadn't seen before in the previous Unexpurgated Diaries and with the same courageous honesty she's had throughout every volume. I can't wait for the next volume of Anais' Unexpurgated Diaries to be released!

I had just read the volume 4 of Nin’s diaries and Trapeze. Trapeze I felt was much too long but gave an honest account of two relationships and how women feel trapped and need to escape the confines of one marriage. It spoke to me personally.Rainer’s book lost Nin’s poetry of words and flattened out the characters with nonsensical dialogue. It didn’t feel at all authentic, nor did the author dig deep to explore her own inner self while keeping Nin’s two marriages a secret. Just facts were offered. If she had swapped Nin out for a everyday character, it would read the same.

Anais is far more brittle in Trapeze for a variety of reasons but it helps put her life in perspective as her true vulnerabilities fully surface. Trapeze, like previous diaries gives great insight into Anais' life in context with the time period she was living in and this diary gives even further perspective into people in her life through letters they wrote to Anais. A must read for every fan. Easier to read through and with new insights into her from Trapeze I want to reread some of the older diaries (expurgated and unexpurgated alike).

Not quite as captivating as Nin’s first set of journals, Mirages; yet, still poetic and raw. Nin’s life comes alive and lives on in each confession she graces upon every page.

I am reading this slowly as I don't want it to end. This is a very insightful look at Anais in her later life, with the wisdom she has gathered throughout her amazing life shared with her readers. A must read for anyone who has read her previous diaries.

I am backlogged with Erica Jong's books

Great book, give praise

Been missing this one since the day I (ill-advisedly) lent my original copy to a friend(?) who has since disappeared over life's horizon. This one ain't going anywhere! It's a unique volume, probably as much Miller as Nin - but we'll never know for sure. Good to have again.

One of my favourite journals from Anais Nin. Slightly different from the other ones in how it is set up. This journal is quite easier to follow with timelines. Editing has really helped. Also is my only hardcover journal of her's that I own

This book shows the back and forth of Nin's existence and unlike the other, more edited versions of the diary, gets into the weeds a bit as a result. It's not always interesting, but gradually paints a picture of her indecision and the patterns in each relationship.

Title readily available