MOTHERCARE: On Obligation, Love, Death, and Ambivalence

As a person in my late 60’s, having passed through the end time of both parents, this book would have helped me manage, anticipate and assuage some of the many issues that arose practically, emotionally and logistically during those final years. Even after their passing, I found this book helpful to me, in the sense of making peace. I will recommend it to my peers who are currently managing these issues. Thank you Lynn Tillman

I really wanted to like this book because of the topic, which is close to my heart at the moment. However, for me, the writer’s style is very neutral and lacks color or depth. .I didn’t feel anything for the characters, none of them were developed enough to be interesting in. It read like someone was talking in their sleep about an experience they had once that was long and unpleasant. I wish I could say something more positive because I know being a caregiver is a thankless and intricate experience. but nothing jumped out at me and pulled me in. I kept turning the page hoping that something would arose that I could connect to, but this was a rather dull and listless work on what is a very difficult and complex topic.

I wanted to like this book as is resonated with me. My mom passed recently after I helped care for her for the past ten years. She also had Normal Pressure Hydrocephalus and had surgery to place a drain. The surgery for my mom worked and brought her normal self back to us. I could go on about the similarities, but won’t.Mostly, I found her writing to be confusing at times. I wasn’t always clear on what she was trying to say. It felt like she was writing a diary and no one proof read it. It was a surprise to me that she had other published works.Anyway, I preferred reading the write up in the Globe better than the book. It sounded promising, but the book was a C- at best.

A deeply personal and unsparingly honest account of difficult circumstance and challenges we all might face someday

I’m a hospice nurse and I thought this would be insightful. It was not

It's not easy to be honest about a difficult relationship with one's dying mother. If you're a daughter with responsibility for an aging parent, you're supposed to be forgiving, forgetting the conflicts and failures you experienced in your relationship with your mother. Even if she is not "a good enough mother," you're supposed to pretend she was (and is), and the arc of the story must end in reconciliation, understanding, even love. But this is not true for every daughter faced with this difficult task at the end of a parent's life. Perhaps, instead, a certain kind of loyalty comes into play, a moral or ethical commitment, like the obligation Tillman feels, and she will not sentimentalize where it would be false to do so. Tillman refuses to turn away from what she must do but she will also deal with her persistent ambivalence, sharing with readers a truth that many may know but keep to themselves. Tillman's also acutely aware of the politics of care, of the complications of dealing with the medical system we live under in the U.S. She's also very interesting on the nature of the relationship of the family with hired caregivers. Some of her discussion about these delicate relationships are worth the price of the book. I wish every doctor who cares for the elderly would read Mothercare. Sadly too many doctors don't listen or can't hear when family caregivers are telling them about the condition of their patients. Often the dying can't speak for themselves so this gives added importance to the caregivers' observations about their patients day to day condition. In all this book for me was courageous, saying what needed saying, and it was very very helpful, a vital guide as I look toward my family's future. Mothercare is beautifully written, and if you like good writing, you'll also appreciate what this book complishes.

As a retired homecare nurse, there are many better and more insightful books on this subject. I'm also doubtful of all the 5 star ratings that don't actually have reviews attached.

Meh! Author writes in tidy prose, but doesn’t have that much to offer. The book is more style than substance.