Stop Talking, Start Communicating: Counterintuitive Secrets to Success in Business and in Life, with a foreword by Martha Mendoza

I first met Geoff Tumlin in the early 2010's. He was delivering a seminar to leaders in the Austin area, and I'd been invited to observe with a couple colleagues. What struck me was Geoff's ability to take significant concepts and hard research and deliver them in an easily digestible package. Geoff makes important learning enjoyable.Stop Talking, Start Communicating is like that. It's easily accessible to leaders. It's provocative, memorable, and instantly applicable.Geoff begins by identifying an ironic challenge of our modern era: our unlimited capability for instant communication has not actually made us better communicators. This double-edged nature of technology is a unifying theme of the book. (It's worth noting that Geoff is not anti-tech, just a realist on its pros and cons.)Geoff goes on to deliver 16 short lessons on communication with chapter titles like "Lose Your 'Friends'" and "Blow Things Off." The first chapter guides us away from "digital distractions" and back to the basics of communication: good listening, thoughtful words, and meaningful interactions. Here Geoff also highlights the connection between quality communication and our potential for meaningful lives with other humans, another theme of the book.The rest of Stop Talking covers a lot of ground, from avoiding conversational landmines to mitigating damage once it happens to understanding the relevance of "identity" in our communication. I think a reader can benefit either from a sequential read or by picking an interesting chapter here and there.Since that first interaction with Geoff, I've been able to do some work supporting a leader development program he co-leads. Geoff's also taken time to mentor me on a thorny problem with one of my clients. Throughout the interactions, I continue to enjoy how he communicates with and impacts others. As you read the book, I think you'll find the same.[I wrote this review for my company's website. Re-posted here by permission]

I was introduced to the author by a mutual acquaintance, and he sent me an autographed paperback. However, that didn't influence my review; in fact, though I appreciated the book and was pleased to add it to my collection of autographed books, I purchased a copy of the ebook to read.On the surface, it seems we have more ways of communicating than ever before. But Geoffrey Tumlin shows us that much of what passes for communication isn't real communication. We're often talking over each other in person, and how can we communicate meaningfully with online "friends" we don't know using the shorthand of technology?You have probably seen a photo of a table full of people, each engaged with their smartphone or other technological device rather than having a conversation with the family members and friends sitting with them. Many people post more words on Facebook and Twitter than they speak to their loved ones each day. The author describes digital communication as i-based conversation rather than much more effective we-based conversation.Even when people are seemingly carrying on a conversation in person, all too often there isn't any real communicating taking place. I am reminded of a "conversation" I observed my husband have with a friend near the end of his life. The two men were taking turns speaking, but they weren't talking about the same thing. The other gentleman was trying to tell my husband a story about something that happened to him. As soon as his friend paused in his story, my husband jumped in and said something totally unrelated. At the time, my husband had advanced dementia, so it was no surprise he couldn't carry on an intelligible conversation. Unfortunately, this scenario happens with people who don't have illness as an excuse but who simply have their own agenda. They want to have their say but don't want to listen to what the other person says.The author gives excellent practical advice on how to start really communicating rather than just talking. Communication requires effective listening, speaking, and interacting. Though the examples in the book often include business situations, the advice applies to all kinds of communication--whether you are talking to you spouse and children, your boss, your subordinates, an important client, or the neighbor whose dog is tearing up your flowerbed.If you want to reduce conflict, increase cooperation, and become more effective in communicating, this practical, easy-to-read, and entertaining book will help.

Social media such as Twitter, Facebook and email are here to stay and most of us make use of these services often each day. According to the author, these interactions are low-level communications. When we talk face-to-face and engage in in-depth conversation, negotiation, problem solving, and creative interactions that are deeply personal - these are high-level communications. While low-level communication has many advantages and is an essential part of our modern world, for Tumlin, low-level communication has the danger of undermining and distracting us from high-level communication when high-level communication is the most appropriate or necessary. How many times have you been trying to have a face-to-face conversation with someone who keeps looking at their mobile/cell phone? Or doing their email in a meeting when they need to be fully present? How many of us have been caught up in email misunderstandings, forgetting how limited that medium can be in understanding someone?In this short book, the author offers a series of practical, and often surprising, strategies for managing communication in our modern society where fast and superficial communication is the norm. It's short, to the point, easy to read, well written - just what we need for our busy lifestyles! The challenge, of course, will be putting the strategies into practice. But if we want good, healthy, meaningful relationships then that is just what we need to do.

Insightful reminder of the importance of communicating in a world in which we have gone digital. Geoff is a masterful at guiding people through the communication stumbling blocks that can cause a great deal of stress.