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# It's Complicated: The Social Lives of Networked Teens

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Review: It's not complicated, just chill - This book is excellent. I couldn't put it down. Like Emily Bazelon's recent book on bullying and Lenore Skenazy's Free-Range Kids, it's underlying heart is to bring common sense to an important set of issues in parenting. However, unlike those books, its head is most clearly in the academic rather than journalistic space. This is not to deride journalists, of course, but there is a noticeable difference between work that reports on research and work that is the report on research. boyd's book falls into the latter character but somehow manages to do so in a written style that is fluid and engaging. It took 8 years of research, mostly involving in-depth interviews with teens and some parents, for boyd to put together a model and evidence of how teens interact and behave in the digital world. Along the way, it was clear that boyd had a theory as to how teens were motivated and also a hypothesis: that the digital world has changed little in those motivations and only the expression and instruments of their behaviour and interaction. What is more, like the past, parents' motivations have not changed too much and teenager choices are driven as much by parental actions (or, in most cases, restraints) as they are by teenager desires. In trying to conduct research over that period of time with regard to the digital world, there is a clear challenge: the instruments and platforms teens used to engage, digitally, changed. When the research started out MySpace was king, then Facebook and most recently, literally as the book was going to press, SnapChat and Instagram. There was a real danger the book would feel dated. However, boyd turns that into a strength. Yes, sure, this teen was using MySpace when they were interviewed but here is what that platform has in common with others today. It is basically the same deal. So let me do incredible injustice to the book and try, as briefly as possible, to summarise its findings. Teens are extremely social and want to interact with one another (so if you think looking at a screen is a sign of isolation, think again). What is more, they want to engage in that social interaction independent of adults (so if you think your kids don't want you around, remember when you were a teen). Thus, teens are trying to balance being social (sharing) with being independent (privacy). They are (a) like teens forever and (b) like people. That balance is hard to learn, understand and manage. Now insert into that mix parents (and teachers and others). Those parents are concerned for safety and have their own, largely out-dated model of what social and anti-social behaviour is. They also don't really know what they are doing but have an image of a 'stepford' like teen that they want in the end. (I should say boyd is more diplomatic than I am being here but I think that captures the true essence of the average parental mindset). So the parents engage in behaviour regulation -- usually a series of prohibitions. For instance, to keep teens safe they don't let them out. Then they are surprised when their kids want to spend all their time on social media and complain that they are not engaging in real interactions. Yes, because the only ones they would have left is you and they don't want that. If you want to see them have real social interactions, they have to be left out. This is why they go to football games (who would like to do that otherwise) or rush to school early. They are desperately pushing through the cracks to get more interaction with one another. Everything else follows neatly from that model. It is just pure substitution, plain and simple. What is more, any of the dangers from online activity -- addiction and predation -- are not borne out by any data. Instead, there is a new danger -- that the assumption by adults is that kids actually understand digital technology. They don't. That means when they are told by teachers that Google is good and Wikipedia is not, they actually believe them! They over-trust one and ignore the other. At the same time, they find it hard to work out what will last and what will not. Finally, and this is important, if parents try to peek in on teen's digital world's -- by cyberstalking them on Facebook -- they will either force teens to be cryptic to obscure potential trouble or simply not understand the context of the behaviour they are seeing. One point I want to emphasise is with respect to privacy. Because teens share so much on social media, there is a perception to think that teens do not care about privacy and also how they are perceived. The book dispels that perception. Teens are more concerned about this than we adults. They care about how they are perceived with one another and publicly in general. The self-regulate their behaviour to do so; often in really innovative ways. But when it comes to privacy, they aren't worried about governments, the media or corporations -- that is for their future fears. Instead, they want to be private essentially from their parents. They go to social media because they want to interact socially even if it looks like it is in plain site (actually, these days if they go to MySpace, they'll have all the privacy they want). They use codes and shift themselves around, to avoid the gaze of parents. And the more parents hover, the more effort teens put into being private with regard to them. Parents may wonder, "what do they have to hide?" but in reality, they just want to hide out a bit. We don't really understand the motives for privacy amongst adults too well but surely, it takes just a little respect to believe that teens might want privacy, "just because." All that said, I have one quibble with the book and also one comment. The quibble is the title "It's Complicated." It really isn't. As you read this book, you'll see it is actually quite simple: that's what a good theoretical model gets you. Teens need to be evaluated as (a) not being unusual; (b) acting like human beings and (c) being given the benefit of the doubt rather than objects of fear. Just stepping back and asking yourself "if this thing I see my kid doing is actually OK, what is really going on here?" For instance, I have seen my daughter stick her tongue out, take a picture and "share" it on SnapChat. One interpretation of this is: why would you do that? The other interpretation is: it is good that you chose to do that on SnapChat where the picture will last only 10 seconds? In one interpretation, she is an unusual deviant. In the other, she is someone who has actually learned what appropriate behaviour is and sensibly chosen the right technology for the job. My point here is that it is not complicated at all. It is really simple: just chill, it is normal behaviour going on and no permanent harm is being done. Indeed, it is probably all for the best. I've only scratched the surface of this issue in this review. boyd's examples are great and really give you a sense as to what is going on. But here I come to my comment. There is one limitation of being a book grounded in what we know and that is, this isn't a parenting book. There is no big advice chapter in the end. boyd doesn't tell parents to chill although you would have to be a moron not to take that away. She doesn't list a set of advice to follow. That is because she hasn't evaluated how to deal with these things and so cannot speculate on it. Moreover, she hasn't studied what happened before (should younger kids be on social networks) and what happens after (do teens that are on social networks turn out to be 'better' young adults). The focus is on teens and nothing else but, in many respects, that still left me wanting more. Nonetheless, that does not mean this isn't a book for parents. It is a book that will give you perspective and reduce the fear in managing teenagers and give you the opportunity to have a better relationship with your teens; even if it is not the ideal fantasy in your mind.
Review: I do not get too distracted by social media and typically only use it when I am bored. However - Although we are only four years apart and grew up in the same environment, my use of social media is surprisingly different than that of my seventeen-year-old sister Sierra. Most of the time, I do not get too distracted by social media and typically only use it when I am bored. However, I regularly become frustrated with Sierra when she appears to be more focused on her phone or her laptop than on what I am trying to say to her. I cannot accurately remember what my social media use had been like at that age, but it would not be truly comparable to Sierra’s because I did not have a smart phone until I went to college. But if the smart phone is not to blame, why is it so much harder for Sierra to separate herself from her technology? Seeking to understand whether our clashing habits were simply a due to personal differences or something else entirely, I began reading It’s Complicated: The Social Lives of Networked Teens by danah boyd. This book has changed the way I view the discrepancy between my social media use and that of my sister as well as most other American teens. Throughout It’s Complicated boyd argues that adults should be less quick to blame technology for teens’ seemingly antisocial behavior. Instead, we should recognize the means it provides adolescents for fulfilling their healthy and desire to socialize with their peers, an essential part of the overarching developmental goal of constructing a social identity. More specifically, teens’ struggle for autonomy leads them to seek out places to socialize in which they are free from adult supervision. Although this is nothing new, today’s teens typically lead much busier lives and face many more restrictions than ever before. As teens’ ability to connect in person has diminished, networked publics on social media provide a means for them to socialize despite this. Free from adult supervision, teens may use social media as a valuable way to learn who they are and how to interact with others. In sum, teens use social media primarily to socialize, and this socialization is not new but a standard and important part of adolescence. boyd uses each chapter to address various utopian and dystopian views of social media’s role in teens’ lives as well as its role in society. She was particularly effective when addressing the dystopian notion that teens are addicted to social media by expanding on the central argument of this book. She also successfully addressed the notion that teens have little regard for privacy on social media. boyd points out that teens do in fact care about privacy, but it generally involves privacy from adults rather than from their peers. Teens’ online social networks are often analogous to those offline, which can circumvent the issue of context collapse. Even when this is not the case, boyd mentions ways in which teens may create the illusion of being public while only providing their audiences with limited information. The examples she includes from interviews with a diverse sample of adolescents seem generally applicable and relatable to the vast majority of teens, which further strengthen her arguments. When addressing other dystopian views of social media such as cyber bullying and sexual solicitation, boyd seems to make more dubious and controversial claims. She does not always effectively use interviews to make her case, but instead relies upon anecdotes or interviews describing rare, even extreme circumstances. For instance, she describes one teenager named Sabrina who hardly leaves her house and exercised just as much caution when it came to her online activities; this definitely does not seem like a generalizable scenario. Her sparse use of evidence creates the sense that there are exceptions to commonly held notions about how adolescents use social media, but they do not provide clear and convincing counterarguments. Later on, she describes how teens interacting with adults online often lie by claiming that they are also adults. Although boyd identifies the contributions of social media, these positive contributions do not necessarily preclude the negative outcomes. Despite the shortcomings of these sections, she make the valid claim that social media enables troubled and at-risk teens to vent their problems, to be seen, and hopefully to receive help. The final chapters in It’s Complicated address the utopian idea that technology would eradicate inequality by fostering the global exchange of ideas and information. boyd makes it clear that this is not the case, and instead posits that social media is yet another source of inequality. She describes how in an age where information and technological skill is increasingly valuable, underprivileged teens are at a serious disadvantage. Not only do these adolescents have limited access to social media which allows them to make potentially useful social connections among achieving other developmental goals, but their knowledge of how technology works and what it can provide are significantly limited. boyd emphasizes the need for society to discontinue the idea that teens are all media-literate “digital natives”. Teens vary in terms of their experience with technology such as social media, and all teens must learn through instruction and experience how to use these technologies effectively and responsibly. I think that acknowledging the limitations of teens’ overall positive use of social media is an appropriate way of concluding this book. This book provided a clear answer to my question: my teenage sister’s frequent use of social media does not reflect inherent qualities of her technology or her as a person so much as it reflects her healthy desire to socialize with her peers. The difference between her social media use and mine does not necessarily stem from our differences as people, but from our different stages of development and respective needs. I learned that I may have taken for granted how easy it is to socialize as a college student compared to when I was in high school and relied more on social media. By highlighting the positive affordances social media provides for adolescents, It’s Complicated allays older generations’ prominent concerns about teens’ interactions with social media. boyd ultimately replaces these concerns with a more valid and constructive matter: how, as a society, can we reduce the inequality surrounding access to and knowledge of technology for people of all ages? This concern is beyond the scope of the book, but if the American people are willing to listen to boyd, it may not be beyond the scope of our society.

## Technical Specifications

| Specification | Value |
|---------------|-------|
| Best Sellers Rank | #2,159,854 in Books ( See Top 100 in Books ) #109 in Social Media Guides #404 in Parenting Teenagers (Books) #470 in Communication & Media Studies |
| Customer Reviews | 4.3 4.3 out of 5 stars (348) |
| Dimensions  | 5.5 x 1 x 8.25 inches |
| Edition  | 1st |
| ISBN-10  | 0300166311 |
| ISBN-13  | 978-0300166316 |
| Item Weight  | 1 pounds |
| Language  | English |
| Print length  | 296 pages |
| Publication date  | February 25, 2014 |
| Publisher  | Yale University Press |

## Images

![It's Complicated: The Social Lives of Networked Teens - Image 1](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/31CARm2n-jL.jpg)
![It's Complicated: The Social Lives of Networked Teens - Image 2](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/51AJmn9a5XL.jpg)
![It's Complicated: The Social Lives of Networked Teens - Image 3](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/51VXPo9NMKL.jpg)
![It's Complicated: The Social Lives of Networked Teens - Image 4](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/61GehBnW9cL.jpg)
![It's Complicated: The Social Lives of Networked Teens - Image 5](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/81HLW4ejl8L.jpg)

## Customer Reviews

### ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ It's not complicated, just chill
*by J***S on February 27, 2014*

This book is excellent. I couldn't put it down. Like Emily Bazelon's recent book on bullying and Lenore Skenazy's Free-Range Kids, it's underlying heart is to bring common sense to an important set of issues in parenting. However, unlike those books, its head is most clearly in the academic rather than journalistic space. This is not to deride journalists, of course, but there is a noticeable difference between work that reports on research and work that is the report on research. boyd's book falls into the latter character but somehow manages to do so in a written style that is fluid and engaging. It took 8 years of research, mostly involving in-depth interviews with teens and some parents, for boyd to put together a model and evidence of how teens interact and behave in the digital world. Along the way, it was clear that boyd had a theory as to how teens were motivated and also a hypothesis: that the digital world has changed little in those motivations and only the expression and instruments of their behaviour and interaction. What is more, like the past, parents' motivations have not changed too much and teenager choices are driven as much by parental actions (or, in most cases, restraints) as they are by teenager desires. In trying to conduct research over that period of time with regard to the digital world, there is a clear challenge: the instruments and platforms teens used to engage, digitally, changed. When the research started out MySpace was king, then Facebook and most recently, literally as the book was going to press, SnapChat and Instagram. There was a real danger the book would feel dated. However, boyd turns that into a strength. Yes, sure, this teen was using MySpace when they were interviewed but here is what that platform has in common with others today. It is basically the same deal. So let me do incredible injustice to the book and try, as briefly as possible, to summarise its findings. Teens are extremely social and want to interact with one another (so if you think looking at a screen is a sign of isolation, think again). What is more, they want to engage in that social interaction independent of adults (so if you think your kids don't want you around, remember when you were a teen). Thus, teens are trying to balance being social (sharing) with being independent (privacy). They are (a) like teens forever and (b) like people. That balance is hard to learn, understand and manage. Now insert into that mix parents (and teachers and others). Those parents are concerned for safety and have their own, largely out-dated model of what social and anti-social behaviour is. They also don't really know what they are doing but have an image of a 'stepford' like teen that they want in the end. (I should say boyd is more diplomatic than I am being here but I think that captures the true essence of the average parental mindset). So the parents engage in behaviour regulation -- usually a series of prohibitions. For instance, to keep teens safe they don't let them out. Then they are surprised when their kids want to spend all their time on social media and complain that they are not engaging in real interactions. Yes, because the only ones they would have left is you and they don't want that. If you want to see them have real social interactions, they have to be left out. This is why they go to football games (who would like to do that otherwise) or rush to school early. They are desperately pushing through the cracks to get more interaction with one another. Everything else follows neatly from that model. It is just pure substitution, plain and simple. What is more, any of the dangers from online activity -- addiction and predation -- are not borne out by any data. Instead, there is a new danger -- that the assumption by adults is that kids actually understand digital technology. They don't. That means when they are told by teachers that Google is good and Wikipedia is not, they actually believe them! They over-trust one and ignore the other. At the same time, they find it hard to work out what will last and what will not. Finally, and this is important, if parents try to peek in on teen's digital world's -- by cyberstalking them on Facebook -- they will either force teens to be cryptic to obscure potential trouble or simply not understand the context of the behaviour they are seeing. One point I want to emphasise is with respect to privacy. Because teens share so much on social media, there is a perception to think that teens do not care about privacy and also how they are perceived. The book dispels that perception. Teens are more concerned about this than we adults. They care about how they are perceived with one another and publicly in general. The self-regulate their behaviour to do so; often in really innovative ways. But when it comes to privacy, they aren't worried about governments, the media or corporations -- that is for their future fears. Instead, they want to be private essentially from their parents. They go to social media because they want to interact socially even if it looks like it is in plain site (actually, these days if they go to MySpace, they'll have all the privacy they want). They use codes and shift themselves around, to avoid the gaze of parents. And the more parents hover, the more effort teens put into being private with regard to them. Parents may wonder, "what do they have to hide?" but in reality, they just want to hide out a bit. We don't really understand the motives for privacy amongst adults too well but surely, it takes just a little respect to believe that teens might want privacy, "just because." All that said, I have one quibble with the book and also one comment. The quibble is the title "It's Complicated." It really isn't. As you read this book, you'll see it is actually quite simple: that's what a good theoretical model gets you. Teens need to be evaluated as (a) not being unusual; (b) acting like human beings and (c) being given the benefit of the doubt rather than objects of fear. Just stepping back and asking yourself "if this thing I see my kid doing is actually OK, what is really going on here?" For instance, I have seen my daughter stick her tongue out, take a picture and "share" it on SnapChat. One interpretation of this is: why would you do that? The other interpretation is: it is good that you chose to do that on SnapChat where the picture will last only 10 seconds? In one interpretation, she is an unusual deviant. In the other, she is someone who has actually learned what appropriate behaviour is and sensibly chosen the right technology for the job. My point here is that it is not complicated at all. It is really simple: just chill, it is normal behaviour going on and no permanent harm is being done. Indeed, it is probably all for the best. I've only scratched the surface of this issue in this review. boyd's examples are great and really give you a sense as to what is going on. But here I come to my comment. There is one limitation of being a book grounded in what we know and that is, this isn't a parenting book. There is no big advice chapter in the end. boyd doesn't tell parents to chill although you would have to be a moron not to take that away. She doesn't list a set of advice to follow. That is because she hasn't evaluated how to deal with these things and so cannot speculate on it. Moreover, she hasn't studied what happened before (should younger kids be on social networks) and what happens after (do teens that are on social networks turn out to be 'better' young adults). The focus is on teens and nothing else but, in many respects, that still left me wanting more. Nonetheless, that does not mean this isn't a book for parents. It is a book that will give you perspective and reduce the fear in managing teenagers and give you the opportunity to have a better relationship with your teens; even if it is not the ideal fantasy in your mind.

### ⭐⭐⭐⭐ I do not get too distracted by social media and typically only use it when I am bored. However
*by G***O on May 4, 2015*

Although we are only four years apart and grew up in the same environment, my use of social media is surprisingly different than that of my seventeen-year-old sister Sierra. Most of the time, I do not get too distracted by social media and typically only use it when I am bored. However, I regularly become frustrated with Sierra when she appears to be more focused on her phone or her laptop than on what I am trying to say to her. I cannot accurately remember what my social media use had been like at that age, but it would not be truly comparable to Sierra’s because I did not have a smart phone until I went to college. But if the smart phone is not to blame, why is it so much harder for Sierra to separate herself from her technology? Seeking to understand whether our clashing habits were simply a due to personal differences or something else entirely, I began reading It’s Complicated: The Social Lives of Networked Teens by danah boyd. This book has changed the way I view the discrepancy between my social media use and that of my sister as well as most other American teens. Throughout It’s Complicated boyd argues that adults should be less quick to blame technology for teens’ seemingly antisocial behavior. Instead, we should recognize the means it provides adolescents for fulfilling their healthy and desire to socialize with their peers, an essential part of the overarching developmental goal of constructing a social identity. More specifically, teens’ struggle for autonomy leads them to seek out places to socialize in which they are free from adult supervision. Although this is nothing new, today’s teens typically lead much busier lives and face many more restrictions than ever before. As teens’ ability to connect in person has diminished, networked publics on social media provide a means for them to socialize despite this. Free from adult supervision, teens may use social media as a valuable way to learn who they are and how to interact with others. In sum, teens use social media primarily to socialize, and this socialization is not new but a standard and important part of adolescence. boyd uses each chapter to address various utopian and dystopian views of social media’s role in teens’ lives as well as its role in society. She was particularly effective when addressing the dystopian notion that teens are addicted to social media by expanding on the central argument of this book. She also successfully addressed the notion that teens have little regard for privacy on social media. boyd points out that teens do in fact care about privacy, but it generally involves privacy from adults rather than from their peers. Teens’ online social networks are often analogous to those offline, which can circumvent the issue of context collapse. Even when this is not the case, boyd mentions ways in which teens may create the illusion of being public while only providing their audiences with limited information. The examples she includes from interviews with a diverse sample of adolescents seem generally applicable and relatable to the vast majority of teens, which further strengthen her arguments. When addressing other dystopian views of social media such as cyber bullying and sexual solicitation, boyd seems to make more dubious and controversial claims. She does not always effectively use interviews to make her case, but instead relies upon anecdotes or interviews describing rare, even extreme circumstances. For instance, she describes one teenager named Sabrina who hardly leaves her house and exercised just as much caution when it came to her online activities; this definitely does not seem like a generalizable scenario. Her sparse use of evidence creates the sense that there are exceptions to commonly held notions about how adolescents use social media, but they do not provide clear and convincing counterarguments. Later on, she describes how teens interacting with adults online often lie by claiming that they are also adults. Although boyd identifies the contributions of social media, these positive contributions do not necessarily preclude the negative outcomes. Despite the shortcomings of these sections, she make the valid claim that social media enables troubled and at-risk teens to vent their problems, to be seen, and hopefully to receive help. The final chapters in It’s Complicated address the utopian idea that technology would eradicate inequality by fostering the global exchange of ideas and information. boyd makes it clear that this is not the case, and instead posits that social media is yet another source of inequality. She describes how in an age where information and technological skill is increasingly valuable, underprivileged teens are at a serious disadvantage. Not only do these adolescents have limited access to social media which allows them to make potentially useful social connections among achieving other developmental goals, but their knowledge of how technology works and what it can provide are significantly limited. boyd emphasizes the need for society to discontinue the idea that teens are all media-literate “digital natives”. Teens vary in terms of their experience with technology such as social media, and all teens must learn through instruction and experience how to use these technologies effectively and responsibly. I think that acknowledging the limitations of teens’ overall positive use of social media is an appropriate way of concluding this book. This book provided a clear answer to my question: my teenage sister’s frequent use of social media does not reflect inherent qualities of her technology or her as a person so much as it reflects her healthy desire to socialize with her peers. The difference between her social media use and mine does not necessarily stem from our differences as people, but from our different stages of development and respective needs. I learned that I may have taken for granted how easy it is to socialize as a college student compared to when I was in high school and relied more on social media. By highlighting the positive affordances social media provides for adolescents, It’s Complicated allays older generations’ prominent concerns about teens’ interactions with social media. boyd ultimately replaces these concerns with a more valid and constructive matter: how, as a society, can we reduce the inequality surrounding access to and knowledge of technology for people of all ages? This concern is beyond the scope of the book, but if the American people are willing to listen to boyd, it may not be beyond the scope of our society.

### ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Review
*by J***R on January 23, 2016*

Don't worry that this book is 'out of date'. You may think that because social media moves so quickly that a book written 2 years ago may not be able to fully outline the world we live in today. This book preempts and counters that argument very early on. If you have children, or you are a teacher, you need this book. The relationship between teenagers and social media is complex and vast, but this book will clear up a lot of the doubts you have. The book is written by an anthropologist, not a social media guru.

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