Why Love Matters: How affection shapes a baby's brain

Profoundly EnlighteningSue Gerhardt’s Why Love Matters is an important book that addresses the crucial issue of what we need to recognize if we are to be more understanding of ourselves and each other and promote the health and well-being of future generations. This is a topic that should interest everyone because in one way or another we all contribute to what happens. The book presents evidence based on scientific research that supports the crucial role of relationships in the early development of healthy self-regulation. It describes how the ability to experience emotions with clarity and behave in constructive ways is rooted in what transpires in our immediate social context long before we have any awareness of what is happening. The book is well written and the presentation is entertaining covering not only the science but also providing vivid illustrations from the author’s clinical experience as well as from literature, film, and biography. The book underscores that it is during an individual’s most vulnerable months; namely prenatal life, infancy, and toddlerhood, that relationships have the most profound and enduring impact on our development. This is because during early life the brain is forming and becoming rapidly organized into functional systems whose structure and dynamics are not solely shaped by genetics. Exposure and experience drive genetic expression during time-limited sensitive periods and ultimately help determine whether our responses to environmental challenges or stressful circumstances will be more or less adaptive across situations. It must be acknowledged that the idea of time-limited windows of opportunity to promote maximum well-being is not a comforting notion. Unfortunately, the idea is supported by lots of evidence which is not to say that one cannot point to exceptions where individuals subjected to adverse circumstances emerge with admirable qualities. Such resilient individuals are not the norm and often they have benefited from some unexpected relationship. It is also the case that biological arguments are not readily embraced by many well-intentioned individuals who find such arguments to be dangerously deterministic explanations for human behavior and contrary to notions of voluntary choice and responsibility for one’s actions. However, dismissing the ideas put forth in this book would only serve to perpetuate societal neglect of children and families who are in need of well-timed support if they are to avoid adverse outcomes such as susceptibility to academic failure, depression, violence, criminality, and/or addiction. Here some may perceive that the author is casting blame when in fact she is clarifying what needs to be recognized if we want to be supportive in ways that are effective. Investing in the early years is simply the right thing to do and besides that it is estimated to be less costly than the alternatives. Again this is an important book with a message that perhaps is not entirely reassuring or easy to accept but one that is profoundly enlightening!

Great book. My childhood was explained to me in bits in pieces in this book and I was able to put it all together in the end.. It's actually like information keeps coming and there's no end to it. I got a broad perspective of what my baby life was like and it's helped so much. I recommend this to anyone who is trying to be a better guardian to a child or understand their "inner baby"--both.

If you are looking to learn attachment theory and how attachment during early ages is important buy this book but if you are a parent looking for a book to get help in understanding parenting don’t buy this book whatsoever. I am a working mom and didn’t find any help in this book to raise my baby. This is more of a book to a student who is studying psychology. This book definitly did not help but left me feeling worried because it talked more about the problem than the solution. It is good to talk about the problem but how about the solution? Solution that relates to modern day reality were moms have to work to make needs meet.

Had to buy this book for class and was pretty satisfied with the explanation of attachment theory and how initial stages of life affect later issues that are attributed to the showing of love and affection in multiple areas of relationships. Would recommend this to anyone just starting out in the mental health/clinical field and working attachment theory, which will have to be addressed in clinical practice one way or another whether formally working with the theory in your agency or not,

This book really opened my eyes to the fundamentals of brain development in infancy. I had no idea how much the actual physiology of the brain is affected by infant experience, not just the psychological. Sources are well cited, ideas are well backed up in scientific research, and the information is presented in a way which benefits lay readers as well as researchers (with an introduction about brain structure and development).I suggest every parent-to-be get a hold of this book. One reviewer was dissapointed by the lack of specific exercises to play with. However, I don't think they are necessary because this book gives specifics about why certain strategies affect infants. I think understanding why certain types of parenting work better than others makes parents more likely to come up with the kind of adaptive spontaneous strategies which come out of such a way of thinking. You could also check out Brazelton for more specific info about exercises to do with your baby.As a side note, once you read this book and make decisions about parenting based on the exhaustive research cited within, you will not only feel more confident about your parenting, but you will be able to defend against attacks from helpful but persistent grandparents, in-laws, and friends - should you want to engage in such discussions.

I spent the last 6 months caring for an infant (not my own) and during nap times in the rocking chair, I read this book cover to cover several times. Along with Margot Sutherland's  The Science of Parenting , this is one of THE indispensable guides to infant care. A book with staggering political implications (see Gerhardt's more recent book,  The Selfish Society: How We All Forgot to Love One Another and Made Money Instead ), no one with responsibilities for the care of young children can afford not to read this book.An absolutely epochal work that has managed to go completely unnoticed in the US, where it is needed most.Note to author: I eagerly await a second edition of Why Love Matters, which should allow for the incorporation of the latest science on mirror neurons into the book...

I hesitate to give this one star but I feel I must be honest about my experience (which is admittedly individual to me). I am a practising psychologist and bought this with interest for my first pregnancy, but I'm afraid after many attempts to read it I find it frustrating, upsetting, and uninformative (and not because of my previous training). It seems to be an adequate summary of academic scientific findings but lacks the application for a real-world approach to understanding and loving your child, and certainly lacks sensitivity for an anxiously waiting pregnant woman. It's clear that I need a different book.The book is titled Why Love Matters but seems to spend 200 pages covering a large amount of information about specifically the opposite - how trauma, poor parental mental health, and unchangeable facts about the reality of raising a child can impact them very negatively for the rest of their lives. I am no stranger to these ideas, I practice in mental health and understand the wide-ranging implications of early difficulties. Nonetheless, I found this book to be quite hopeless, and appears to offer very little in the way of working with affection and care to counter or overcome these difficulties. The chapter titles for example, include "Melancholy baby", "Active harm", "Torment", and "Original sin". The last 30ish pages are given to "Where do we go from here?" - but don't seem to touch anything concrete. Perhaps the book is not intended in this way, but it is certainly true that personal exploration, education, and making changes can lead to breaking the cycle of negative inter-generational trauma (including the biological influence of, for example, perinatal stress and depression). That this is missing from a book which has the words love and affection in the title is confusing to say the least.As a disclaimer, I read this while struggling with a pregnancy-related physical illness, during Covid lockdown, which has produced some anxiety and depression for me. If you (or the person you are buying for) feels remotely under stress or unwell I would strongly recommend NOT buying this book for them. I can't bring myself to give this to anyone else so will not be passing it on.

This book claims to be rigourously scientific but in fact the evidence is very soft and distorted. It is largely conjecture and could easily upset a new mother. The "evidence" is largely extrapolated and biased. Very little specific advice is given. Overall probably the most harmful book I've ever read for parents (especially mother's). Avoid

This is an easy read with lots of insight into the impact of the conditions we are all subjected to from our earliest stages of development as human beings. It is an important topic and this book helps to inspire everyone and gives us all a sense of responsibility to mankind. We can understand through the author's observations how our whole being is influenced and affected by early and continuing stress in life and how we can get stuck, unknowingly with what we have inherited. There are many ways to reduce the impact of early tress and trauma and this book definitely gives us hope and inspiration. I recommended this book to my yoga/meditation students - as it inspires them to keep up their commitment to what they are doing - helping the world to create good conditions for balance and peace not just in the early stages but for people throughout life

This book was recommended to me by my therapist. I thought it was a great read throughout my pregnancy (and I believe that's the best timing to read it), as it made me aware - through scientific facts - of the impact of my and my partner feelings on my baby, from the womb to the earlier years.It also helped me to understand a lot about the origin of my own emotional-self, by realising how & what possibly impacted who I'm now by the way I was raised myself.The book does get way too scientific, a little boring and a little difficult to read at some parts, but you can just skip those and you will still won't miss much and learn a lot!I have recommended this book to many of my friends.

There are way too many assumptions in this book with lots of “could be” “may be” and “ possibly “ in it linked to areas that have actually been researched. It is very possible to came and even influence areas of the brain such as an over sensitive amigdala and calm the sympathetic nervous system back to homeostasis using NLP techniques. Only half way through the book. Nothing new here. Lots of research has been done in the 1960’s and 70’s proving the mind body connection. I’m not a huge fan of attachment parenting it can lead to behavioural problems because of it.