Cursed?: Why You Still Don't Have the Relationship You Want and the 5 Cures That Can Transform Your Love Life

I'm a 43-year-old divorced mother of 2. I divorced at the age of 36 after 9 years of marriage. Since then, I've dated which includes an on-again/off-again nearly 8 year relationship. Full disclosure, the primary reason I decided to read this book is because I knew the author in my younger years and I wanted to support her. HOWEVER, it become obvious very quickly as I began reading that this book would help me unlock some of my subconscious "curses" that hinder healthy relationships. Specifically, I could see how I have been cursed by the Wanter, Superior, and Contestant Minds. (There are 5 faces of the curse, but those are the 3 I most closely identify with.) Thankfully, Jess clearly explains these curses through stories from her relationship coaching experience, research, and wisdom. The very best comes in Part III: The Cures. Reading about how being present, grateful, accepting, forgiving, and loving despite the curses that plague our subconscious. It sounds basic when I write it out here, but trust me - it's deeper than you think! Regardless of whether you are single, dating, married, etc. I encourage you to give this book your time. I believe there is not a human on this earth who won't benefit from this book at some level.

This book leverages Eckhart Tolle's principles ("Power of Now" and "A New Earth") and applies them specifically to dating. For example, what McCann mentions as "curses", Tolle mentions as "pain bodies." Jargon aside, this book discusses how the ego gets in the way of finding true love, and then provides the antidotes to these curses so that true love can emerge.This book mentions 5 unhealthy mindsets (i.e. "Curses") that lead to suffering:-the Worrier Mind: The mindset obsessively thinks about the future and has a hard time staying present and accepting "what is".-the Inferior Mind: The mindset is filled with negative, self absorbed thoughts and demonstrates a lack of core confidence.-the Wanter Mind: The mindset craves that which it can't have; this mindset loves the chase.-the Superior Mind: The mindset desires a "perfect person" to validate one's self worth and boost their self esteem.-the Contestant Mind: This mindset seeks attention and wants to "win" a guy in order to feel validated and secure.Here are the Cures that the book mentions - i.e. antidotes to the Curses-be Present: Getting out of the head and into the heart. When going on a date, focusing on others and who they truly are instead of analyzing or judging them.-be Grateful: Gratitude is proven to help one have a more positive mindset, which is so attractive to a potential partner! Also, being grateful often often cascades into a positive feedback loop.-be Accepting: Accepting who the person is rather than who you want the person to be.-be Forgiving: When someone is wronged, sometimes the right action is to walk away, and sometimes the right action is to stay....yet whatever is decided, the right action IS ALWAYS to forgive.-be Loving: The most important cure as it overlaps all of the other ones. Giving kindness with out expecting anything in return and considering your partner's needs just as much as your own.As you may be able to tell by now, this book is not about strategies, but rather about personal transformation which McCann suggests will lead to long, lasting love. The book shines a mirror into some of the dusty places of the soul. You may sense the ego is a bit resistant, but please know that is to be expected. By thoughtfully engaging with the text you'll be in a much better position for love to emerge .

This really made me reframe my approach to love. It made me notice how our society seems to have shifted the definition of love to be much more self serving and less about the other person. 🤯 it’s a book the really makes you think and I’m so impressed that Jess was able to distill all of her research and client insight into something so simple. At times, I think Jess is a little more aligned with traditional gender roles than I am, but I think her underlying insight is really useful for any relationships (romantic, family, friends) We need to move away from our Me mentality.

This is the third book by this author that I have read as I just enjoy so much Jess's generous, friendly yet at the same time very candid tone of advice. In this book "Cursed", the author Jess McCann expands upon her previously published dating advice that was deeply rooted in her expert understanding of the importance of relationship building as a high level sales executive and extends an invitation for the reader to take a deeper personal inventory of behavior and attitudes towards self and others. So far I have gotten through the first part of the book that identifies relationship killers or what Jess calls "the Curses" and have found myself deeply reflecting on my attitudes towards all my relationships and whether a self-centered mindset could have been jeopardizing my connections, whether romantic or platonic or even professional. It was a bitter pill to swallow but so necessary and humbling. I always wondered what it was about certain people in my life that seemed to always have everything they wanted in life - healthy and happy relationships with their spouses, children, friends and co-workers - and I believe the cures will reveal that secret. I am really taking my time reading this book in order to fully integrate what I am learning as I am working on my character. This book is not a quick fix or a gimmick, it is a true gift of sisterly advice from one woman who has done the work and forgive me if I am jumping ahead, could very well catalyze deep personal transformation for a willing reader.

Thank you so much for your experience.There is no other book like this one if you're looking for relationship advice.