The Stepfamily Handbook:: From Dating, to Getting Serious, to forming a "Blended Family"

I am a divorce mediator and couples therapist and there are many things I like about this book:1. There are discrete sections which speak clearly to each stage in the development of a step-family. They can be read independently, depending upon where one lands on the continuum. Are you a divorced parent who is just starting to date? Have you, maybe, found THE ONE? Is it the stage where you begin to integrate this new person into your life (which contains kids and a former partner)? What are the challenges of evolving into a steady step family?2. The format of the book is accessible. There are sections with good information followed by a brief, bold "Bottom Line" section that reinforces the important point(s) made. There are plenty of examples that will ring as true to people who are moving through various stages of this life transition.3. The book is child-focused. The repeated admonition for love-struck Romeos and Juliets - to slow down to let your kids adjust to the major changes occurring in their lives - is gently, but firmly, made.4. The writing is conversational and never lags, despite the fact that both Bonnell and Papernow are experts in the field with lots of information to impart.All in all - an excellent resource.

As a lawyer who frequently deals with stepfamily legal problems, I found the Handbook to be an valuable resource, as it describes what couples on the verge of forming a stepfamily might do to deal with the inevitable stresses of trying to combine families, and how to deal with those stresses after the stepfamily is formed.       The authors’ analysis is both sensible and humane: proceed slowly, think about (and take into account) the reactions of the other member of the couple and his or her children, step back if things are proceeding too quickly, and don’t expect a miraculous merger of families - - despite the best of intentions - - even years into the relationship.       Based on their many years experience with family therapy and psychology, Bonnell and Papernow provide useful, memorable  (but not trite or formulaic), step-by-step guidelines for proceeding into new family formation - -  besides how to deal with problems after the families are joined.    While, again, I write from a lawyer’s perspective, I have to believe that psychologists and family therapists will also find the Handbook a valuable reference - - both for themselves and for giving to their patients/clients to study.  Indeed, the Handbook contains materials for stepfamily members to consider and complete.

I highly recommend The Step Family Handbook. Having spent 20 years as a divorce attorney, and 38 years growing up in a stepfamily, having this resource is key for restructuring families.Particularly, I find helpful the chapter “Co-parents are Part of the Stepfamily.” Teaching new partners how important it is that the parents maintain a strong co-parenting bond is key. I always tell my clients that it is actually a good sign that their partner is respectful, involved and kind to their co-parent. Structuring a strong step family means the step parent must be extremely secure and know the importance of allowing for the space to assure the children from their first marriage always feel a part of the family. Step parenting is very tough…this resource gives much helpful advice to navigate these difficult waters.The research and statistics don’t lie…children who are raised in conflict are more likely to have addiction and mental health issues. Parents who heed these lessons will raise secure children who will become thoughtful and loving adults.If you only read one book about Stepfamilies read this one!

I found this book EXTREMELY helpful - I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a little less than a year, and we recently decided to take the step for me to meet his kids. I found this book really helpful in navigating those waters. There’s a lot of great information, even on things I didn’t even realize could be problematic. I would highly recommend this to anyone dating a parent.My only wish is that it had more advice and commentary on specifically building the stepmom/stepkid relationship. He has full custody of his kids, so I know our situation is a little atypical and a section about that might not be overly helpful to most stepfamilies. Instead this book offers much more general information on stepparent relationships (still helpful, just not as specific as I would have liked!).

As a therapist, this is a book I highly recommend to anyone dating and/or blending families. This book provides a vocabulary for couples to use as they progress in their relationship journey. This book provides a concrete guide for understanding children's perspectives and supporting them during an exciting time in parent's lives, while explaining children are likely to be stressed when their parent begins dating. At times, this book can be difficult to read because it is direct and honest; there are many challenges to dating with children and ultimately blending families. Going slowly and using this book as a guide will help support children, partners, and parents.

For my clients who are divorcing and recoupling, this will be required reading. From fundamental communication skills, to essential rules to protect children from the worst turbulence of transitions, to the heightened complexities of relationships that began as affairs, to concerns felt by families of older step-parents, and finally to the needs of children in step-families that dissolve, this book covers it all. Having been through the end of a marriage and the beginning of a new partnership myself a decade ago, I found wisdom in this book that even now sheds light on my family's journey. I wish this resource had been available to me then! No one attempting to navigate a new partnership that involves children and co-parent(s) should be without this book.

Valentine’s Day is approaching so maybe this is a good time to share and celebrate all the different kinds and types of love stories.These books by Karen Bonnell are amazing. I have just finished reading and digesting them. Really really helped me to understand the challenges and emotions my parents faced and had trying to navigate cooperative coparenting and a blended family. Also amazingly reassuring and progressive as to the normal understandable feelings kids have. Beautifully written and kid centred. I’m in awe of my friends and family who invest huge amounts of love to be kid centred ❤️.