Keep Your Love On: Connection Communication And Boundaries

I read Danny's quotes from this book on Facebook for maybe a couple of weeks before I realized it was his new book. Of course I had to order it immediately. My life was forever changed after my first encounter with Danny's teaching at a conference ten years ago where I purchased "Directing Vision Daily," (now updated and called "Loving Our Kids On Purpose"). I learned about self-control and it affected every relationship in my life, not just the training of my toddler (now the oldest of four and headed into middle school). Danny has such a powerful message. I call it distilled truth. After a really tough year, moving across country, returning full-time to the workforce after eleven years as a stay-at-home mom, children having issues in school and needing more support, and much more, I found myself very disconnected from my husband and miserable. I watched a You-Tube video where Danny said something that went straight to my heart and I puzzled over it for days, "every relationship has one of two goals: connection or disconnection." I realized that at some point over the past year I switched from the goal of connection to that of disconnection. I knew I should want to be connected, but I did not. After fifteen years of marriage and so many conversations about the same topics and still not being understood, I found myself once again in the place of wanting to give up. The book took a couple weeks to come in the mail, but I read it in two days, hungry for a solution to the problem for which I now had a label: the goal of disconnection. We read Gary Chapman's "The Five Love Languages" about 13 years ago, so that part was not new to me, but Danny's summary of the acts of service love language (many other points too) felt like he was reading my mail. After thinking on all that I had read for a couple more days, I arranged to spend an evening with my husband alone. We were able to have a much needed talk that has put us on a path to reconnecting. By this point in my life and my marriage, I realize this is a journey that will inevitably entail future obstacles. This book has given me yet another tool, one that takes me back to the foundation. The key to keeping my love on is exercising my self-control and behaving as the powerful person I am, not waiting for someone else to rescue me from my misery. Thank you, Danny. I needed that.

It's difficult to make positive changes when you're unaware of the issues or, like most of us, have a difficult time communicating what is going on inside. This book will help you identify some communication challenges you may be having and provide you with some heart tugging tools to make positive "powerful" changes. It'll also provide some insight into what your closest loved ones might be feeling and give you tools for handling yourself in those situations. I tend to not like "how to" books because they feel overly complicated but this is not complicated at all. In fact, I lost track of how many times I popped my head up and said that's so simple. Where direction is provided in the book, there are references to the Bible in regards to Jesus' life walk. Jesus didn't complicate things and neither do we. With a deep respect for the book, I'd say it boils down to choosing to keep or not keep a connection and choosing to be a powerful communicator or a powerless communicator. Most of this book would pertain to the very closest of relationships - spouse, children, family, then close friends. However, there is an amazing chapter on boundaries that can be used for all relationships. And, who couldn't use some help identifying and setting healthy boundaries?! This book is part of the second year curriculum for a ministry training class I'm taking and it has had a major impact on my life as I have learned to keep my love on with a 19yr old daughter that I could barely spend 10 minutes around just weeks ago. This morning she invited into her room to check out a writing project she is working on. That's major! This is the second copy of the book I bought. The first was for me and this one is a gift for my daughter.

I had been diagnosed bipolar 1 nearly three years ago and I have learned that there is a popular belief within the bipolar community that we are powerless to our diagnosis. My mood swings were killing my relationships and tearing my life apart. After researching and reading many forums about this diagnosis, I found that I got comfortable believing the lie that bipolar 1 controlled me. It was easier to shut my brain off and react to every trigger and blame my circumstances and environments rather than trying to live powerful and take responsibility for my own actions. After many months of powerless living, broken hearts and rubbing elbows with other sick individuals to create a toxic comfort zone, I found that I was alone. Yes, surrounding myself with seemingly "safe" but broken people that agreed with me was not helping my situation and the real problem at hand. My heart told me there was more to this diagnosis than just coping with it. Medication was one thing, which took care of the logistics of my situation but my heart was still so very sick and out of control. I knew that something needed to move, and this book along with many of his other books, helped me identify the lies that I was believing that funded my powerless behaviors. I greatly anticipated this book and am so glad its finally here as Danny Silk defines what real power and freedom is, and what I really do have control over. He defines what slavery looks like too and I found so many parallels. The ideas that are expressed in this wonderful piece have helped me understand how to conduct relationships on every level with all types of people. I now understand that I may be bipolar, but that is just a diagnosis, and is no excuse for poor living. I am no longer fused with my diagnosis and am free to take control of my life and goals for relationships. I find that I have to think a lot harder about things, because everything is not as it seems the first, second and sometimes third time around but it is possible to live in control of me. Reading this wonderful book leaves me empowered to be me without feeling embarrassed, scared, or anxious about showing the world who I really am. Thank you Danny and Sheri. I love you both so much and am reading this a second time around with my husband. Jessica

My brother-in-law recommended I read the book and I am so grateful that he did. This book is not just for married people. It is a book about "owning" your part in interacting with people (constructively and destructively) and learning how to become powerful without destroying the ones you love. It explains SO much on how I messed up (destroyed) so many relationships in my past (familial and friends). I really have a whole new depth of reality. I will probably read my copy of the book at least 2 more times. And, I will recommend the book over and over again - to anyone struggling to love someone and feeling frustrated and powerless. Although, I will never be able to loan my copy to anyone, because I underlined, circled, and wrote so many notes, that the book is now a journal of my inner most feelings and revelations. Lastly, I am married. And, my marriage is fragile. There is a WHOLE lot of work to be done to change the tides from choppy waters to smooth sailing. The difference now is that I have hope. I no longer have fear or defeat. I will take a chance and be vulnerable and communicate what it is I want and need, without critism to my husband. I WILL listen to what it is he wants and needs, regardless of whether it is a task I am responsible for - or not. No matter what happens from this point forward, I KNOW how to love the person without demanding that they change. Ultimately, I can only control myself. It is no longer my job to change or critique others. As long as I keep God first, focus on myself second, do not allow "Consumers" to deplete my garden, express "God's love (in and out of my home), establish healthy boundaries (not selfish ones - healthy ones), and ensure that I manage relationships in a mutually respectful way, I CANNOT lose. As my brother-in-law told me, "Read this book with your heart. You will be changed. I promise." God bless you Danny Silk!

KYLO has brought the love scriptures to life in giving key ways to live them out in life, to exemplify it. My approach to relationships has changed in many ways. 1-I see the importance of value and honor of others as created in the image of God. God created them to be powerful and make choices. If He thought they were worth dying for why would I see them any differently just because they make choices, live lives, or belief ways that are differently than I do? Understanding more clearly that this does not mean that I will keep someone abusive or disrespectful in my closest relationships . There may be times they lose their close place in my life from their choices, but my love, honor and value for them, myself and others is to remain strong regardless of how they treat me or the messes they make. 2- I am able to approach others with healthy boundaries and not be afraid or their agreement or acceptance of me or my family.I will allow my husband and children to be powerful and set healthy boundaries with others in how they manage their “yes” and “no” even if that means they don’t want to do something that I would like to do .3- I have also grown in my ability to desire to help empower others and not reduce their power trying to control them so that I am comfortable. No longer feeling the need to manipulate situations to always be ‘’like I think they should be or want them to be.” Celebrating others in their uniqueness and choices even if I don’t understand completely. 4-My ability and desire and practice of listening to truly understand others, their heart, their dreams and goals. Not to judge them, not to try to prove my point, prove them wrong or get them to agree with me. I have seen huge shifts in this area of my life as I have applied the KYLO 5 principles taught in this book. 5-KYLO has helped me to understand how God designed me for connection and how childhood wounds that I carried have caused me to have unhealthy relationship patterns, communicate disrespectfully, move out of fear and not love, and have no clue of healthy boundaries- I now feel like I have been reparented and empowered to step into a life that I love to live in and set a better “more Christ like example” to my children! My hope has been ignited, my joy has been increased and my love has been transformed towards GOD, myself, my precious family, friends and the Body of Christ!

We are still working through the book. I can let you know when we finish if it is a five star or not. We are only on the 4th chapter. It is a good book and gives a lot of insights into how you react in relationships and how to keep your love strong without putting up barriers and guards. My husband and I have been married 43 years and we are going through the book chapter by chapter together. It is helping us with our relationship even though we have a strong marriage and also helping us to understand the importance of how we respond to our adult children when we have to say no when they want us to say yes. It is a book that enables you to dig into your relationships and make them much better than they are if you are honest and open. This book gives way to make that happen even if your spouse isn't that talkative.

If you have a stack of books you want to read about love languages, boundaries, communication and relationship psychology, set them aside for when you have a few months of free time.... Now, pick up a copy of 'Keep Your Love On' by Danny Silk. I am a long time reader and listener of Danny Silk's wisdom and this little gem is a streamlined reference for many of the things that he passionately believes in and teaches for maintaining healthy relationships - from spouse to acquaintance. Utilizing easy to understand analogies and other tools, Silk shares what it takes to keep loving even in the midst of conflicts that arise in our dealings with fellow humans. Some of my favorite things: -His focus on the incompatibility of love and control. -His emphasis on learning to communicate one's own actions rather than dictating to others what they should do. -Instruction on learning how to decide who you will say 'yes' to and who that means saying 'no' to. -I love the diagram Silk created to illustrate levels of intimacy needed to "cultivate and protect boundaries." Your Inner-most circle is for God, next for your most intimate human relationship, and from there the circles flow out farther away into the most outer circle to whom you might love with prayers or hopeful thoughts but not much else (as an example in his diagram, Silk's outer circles are populated by Charlie Sheen and Al Qaeda...I'm not sure if that's a commentary on his opinion of Charlie Sheen or not, but it made me laugh!). -In the same chapter on levels of intimacy I found the peace that I needed in reconciling my desire to love unconditionally with my need to change the dynamic of a formerly close relationship...It is stated: "Often people who once held the 'most intimate' place in our lives find themselves out in the Al Quaeda Sphere...We keep our love on toward them but it may be a very long time before we ever have them over for dinner." Thank you, Mr. Silk, for confirming that it is OK to protect myself from emotional harm. -Danny Silk is a Christian Counselor/Pastor with an unwavering Christian perspective, yet the bulk of the book does not belabor this point and there isn't constant Biblical Proof-texting or preaching. Because of this I feel very comfortable in sharing this book with my friends who might be of a different faith or who might not care to read a book heavily laden with theology just to get to the practical wisdom within. -I can't wait to practice being a Blue-Ray Player. ....And to understand that last one you will have to get this book! KYLO!!!

Just finished this book. Heart on fire, but in good tears. Totally needed this. Thank You, Jesus! 😭❤️‍🔥

Product is as it looks in photo. No complaints. Arrived in perfect condition.

This book is an inspired and brilliant tool to help you to tackle the deep issues affecting all relationships and to help build healthier ones. It is also, in my opinion, the start of a revolution. The use of control and manipulation is so deeply entrenched in Western culture that most of the time it seems to us to be utterly appropriate and reasonable. We were likely all raised by parents, taught by teachers, pastored by ministers and governed by politicians who believed that it was their duty to control us. Whether it was used with subtlety and within the parameters of the law, or whether it was outrageously abusive, control and manipulation have sunk their teeth into our deepest and most treasured parts and are actually ripping the heart out of our God-dreamed, God-given, God-paid for freedom to be who we are and let others do the same. This book is wonderful, but it's not for the faint-hearted. Personally, it has set me on a journey to change. I suspect it is going to take some time to even come close to where I would like to be, but I am so grateful and would whole-heartedly recommend both the book and the journey.

Great book

good book. challenges you to love and to establish the right connections with people. Love is what makes us different from other species!!

When my fiancé and I started dating, our relationship was extremely unhealthy. One of us was raised as a victim and the other as a helper. As a result, I always wanted to dump my problems and responsibilities on my girlfriend, and first she gladly took them, only to realize that soon she would be crushed under the weight. So, we both wanted to work and improve on our relationship, and were so happy when we started reading KYLO. I cannot thank Danny Silk enough for this book. I've read most of his other books and they are great, but this one I'd say, is by far the best. Everyone who is in any kind of relationship should read it at least once in their life. Through this book, Danny Silk gave us great tools: 1. to become powerful people who tell themselves what to do and what not, 2. he explains the five love-languages in a way that helped us use them to seek connection and remove stress and anxiety from the other person, 3. he reveals how a heart-to-heart connection is so much more important than the need to agree, 4. to see the value of healthy boundaries and how to set them properly. We found out, as we practiced these tools they have shown to be extremely helpful. We have overcome the victim-helper co-dependency, we discovered the beauty that is in connecting with the other person and appreciating that they are different in the midst of conflict. We have seen that a seemingly small act of service, like sweeping the floor, can reduce a whole lot of anxiety, and how boundaries protect relationships, increase their quality, and let them flourish. One thing from all the things that helped me stood out to me especially, the definition of responsibility. Previously, I was taught that responsibility was to do something you don't want to but you do it anyway. Therefor, I always fled anything that had this tag on it cause I knew it would suck. Danny Silk however likens it to a sat nav that guides you all the way to the destination that you WANT to reach. When before responsibility looked yucky and slimy and smelled funny, now it looks bright and colorful and has an attractive smell. So, if you don't want to improve your relationships, better avoid this book.