Orfan

In preparation for writing my own memoir, it was recommended that I read books along the same storyline as mine. And because I'm adopted, I chose to focus upon memoirs written by those either adopted or in the foster care system. I feel that I've been blessed to have my life journey of reading include some fascinating writings that have taken me deep inside to those most private of places - the psyche (mind) and that of the heart - of another human being. Therefore I had no plans to read fiction whatsoever.Then "Orfan" somehow crossed my path.Initially the storyline was of interest to me because although adopted I'd felt from a very young age like I'd been orphaned, and then after being told my birth mother had died - I truly related. However, it was this line in the description that snagged me, "ORFAN lets the reader in on the loss, grief, trauma, and isolation that children experience when the foundation of a loving parent is pulled out from under them, and they are placed in homes where they are not loved or appreciated, or even safe." Since I was adopted into a home that was, for whatever reason(s), incapable of providing the type of nurture, warmth, support and love that a child needs to thrive - I related instantly. Now to purchase the book and see if it lived up to its claim!Indeed! "Orfan" often mirrored many of the depressive experiences and feelings I'd had as a child - but it did so in what felt like a very caring and gentle way, and yet it did so without taking away the sharp emotional pain of rejection nor softening the callousness of the grandmother character. Yes, it was easy to relate to JD and the isolation he had to endure, although his rejections and love losses seemed far more cruel than mine at times. And the story even touched upon, and ever so gracefully, the heart and fearful thoughts of an adopting parent. Because I've also adopted, I very much related to when the writer, Corie Skolnick, shared JD's adopting father's thoughts, "As overjoyed as he was [...], a significant part of him just could not believe how easy it was proving to take somebody's baby away. He was going to walk out of that hospital and someone else's child was going to go with him and a part of Carter felt not only guilty about it, but also very nearly physically ill." This helped me recall my own thoughts and feelings when being handed another woman's child to love and raise and protect as my own, when I had come face to face with feeling overwhelming hurt for the loss of both the mother and the child. This book turned out to be an excellent choice for what I'd intended. Indeed!But the kicker in all this is that...this book wasn't depressive! Of course there were moments of tremendous pain (especially so during the first several chapters) along with several other instances when I was brought to tears, but the story kept moving at such a wonderful pace it didn't stall long enough to feel forever forlorn! It seemed that at just the right times it gave you hope again! And hope is the essence of what each of us need, whether adoptee or not.And I especially loved how the author beautifully wove a life lesson that I wish I'd been taught early in life - hold on to the good times so you can make it through the bad ones. I've taught it to myself as an adult, but oh what a gift to have learned this valuable lesson as a child!As promised, Ms. Skolnick has indeed done a beautiful job portraying the inner world of loss, grief, trauma and isolation. I highly recommend her book if you at all relate to the storyline and are contemplating writing your memoirs. Likewise, I highly recommend her book if you simply want to lose yourself within a most pleasurable fable full of colorful characters with whom you'll begin to believe you really know! But perhaps more importantly, I believe this book could greatly be used to help not only build empathy for both young and old, but help to cultivate additional attitudes of acceptance, giving, compassion and nurture and should be required reading for anyone in the adoption triad and/or foster system as well as within grief support systems for child/parental loss - due to death or seperation.A little love from a stranger, a little care from a neighbor really CAN go a long way when we give sincere attention to another human being and although fictional, this book truly communicates that reality.

Ok, here are my thoughts:ORFAN took hold of my heart last night.This tale of JD blanketed me from head to toe with another person’s struggles (from birth, at that!). I opened my heart and soul to this fictional character and to all who had passed through his life and I was left emotionally spent!While Ms. Skolnick weaved her story about the baby who captured hearts, broke hearts and made hearts harder than rocks without even doing anything (just by being born!), my own heart was racing around a myriad of emotions as I did everything I could to reach the next page faster.All the while, JD’s heart was feeling the aftermaths of abandonment, losing loving parents, coping with racism with his caretaker, acting out, finding a best friend, finding love, losing sight of his own identity and finding it in the unlikeliest of places!All the while I was losing track of time, becoming more and more immersed in this tale of , abandonment, grief, racial identity, all things” family” and L<3VE.All the while, he was shy and smart, funny and perceptive, a trouble-maker and a joy to have a round. He was a ray of hope to some while still not being able to find his own light. Complex. Detached, yet willing enough to step forward and make connections.All the while I was crying (no, sobbing!!!), laughing, praising others for helping JD and pretty much falling in love with some of the characters in the book. Ohhhh, and did I mention that the thing I wanted to do most from cover to end was be JD’s family and love him forEVER?Auughhh! Wow. Powerful stuff here. I am not one to get too emotionally attached, but a great story tends to envelop me (again, the blanket). If it strikes a chord, I recommend the read. If it strikes too many chords and becomes a familiar drumming, humming or tune, I am a crying mess on my bed with my heart bled out to the floor… weak, spent. This was a live jazz session with the great Coltrain playing JUST FOR YOU. You cannot help but feel something and everything at the same time.And still I read on through the night.Every character’s storyline and every chapter produced another piece of my blanket; produced another part of JD’s life quilt. His losses were my losses. His love, my love. I cried with JD and I cried without him.I wanted to help JD; protect and keep him safe; love him so that no other harm or ugliness or prejudice and hate ever crossed his path! I know that is no good, either, since I would be an enabler to his grief and trauma.JD, however, became stronger than I, the lone, sobbing reader. Deep down inside, as I read, I knew that in the darkest of times, JD would survive and be stronger for it. Stronger in the long run in self identity, stronger in family, stronger mentally, stronger in love because he was always meant to be exceptional and special and strong.The end: JD’s quilt will be built stronger, fortified with his new family’s nurturing and loving hearts and open arms. Now I could go to sleep and feel that JD will be ok. *ü*

Highly recommend this book to anyone who loves a good story. I was captivated by the characters, and as cliche as it sounds, found it hard to put the book down. When I did, I found myself thinking about it in anticipation of getting back to the book to see where the story was going. Absolutely one of my favorite books ever.I loved it so much I have bought copies for my friends who have wanted to read it, because I didn’t want to take a chance of losing my own copy.I honestly believe this book would translate into an amazing movie. Hopefully one day some brilliant Hollywood producer will read this book and realize this, and it will happen. I certainly hope so.