Rat Girl: A Memoir

I'm astonished by how much I enjoyed this book.OK, yes, I was a big Throwing Muses fan back in the day. Their sui generis eponymous first album (released on 4AD in the UK in 1986, but for many years available only as an expensive import in the States) was the one of the strangest flowers in the magical overgrown garden of 80s "Indie" rock. Even today, no one knows how to classify the joyous, horrifying, fast-slow, loud-quiet, delirious sound they produced. Hersh's stream-of-consciousness lyrics may have puzzled some, but to a certain kind of teenager in the 80s they were eerily prescient--perfectly aimed darts to the mid-brain nexus of memory, fear and desire: "home is a rage / feels like a cage"; "all I can think about is choosing it / I'm losing it"; "they look in a mirror see themselves / look in the mirror, look at me." Whatever demons Kristin had, they were only more visceral manifestations of demons we, her non-bipolar fans and peers, all shared to some degree. Her dangerously explosive id--what she calls "Evil Kris" throughout this memoir--somehow defused our own, made sense of our confusion and rage. And, despite protestations to the contrary in this book, you could dance to it.But, truth be told, Kristin and I parted ways after 1998's Strange Angels, the last KH release to hit my sweet spot. Though I've continued to follow her--I have all her albums--most of her output over the last decade has left me at best lukewarm, particularly that of her latest band, 50 Foot Wave, which sounds for all the world like unreconstructed first generation hardcore SoCal punk (Social Distortion, Black Flag, X) and inspires the reflection "Who listens to this kind of stuff anymore? Why?" (As I've become middle-aged, probably the last thing I want to hear is a woman my own age scream hoarsely at me over an amelodic wall of noise. These days I'm more likely to crank Ella Fitzgerald.) Even her folky solo offerings somehow haven't quite clicked, though there have been bright spots here and there. This phenomenon is very familiar--a band / songwriter means a great deal to you, and then, one day, simply doesn't--but it still sets me apart from the Kristin Hersh superfans who've devoured the entire oeuvre, no questions asked.Therefore, although I bought the book when it was first released in a rush of nostalgia, I had second thoughts and let it gather dust on my bookshelf for more than a year before getting around to reading it. Mistake. Within 10 pages I was hooked...like I "had a hook in my head," as the song goes. Hersh makes several excellent decisions:a) She confines her narrative to a single year in her life and the life of the band. A jam-packed year: filled with frantic songwriting, a complete mental breakdown, a pregnancy, and an out-of-the-blue deal to cut a record. The dull recitation that so many musician bios descend to is thus nipped in the bud.b) She doesn't attempt to tell the story in a linear fashion. The text follows an emotional wave more than a temporal trajectory, with flashbacks to her childhood, interpolated bits of song lyrics, digressions, and numerous asides and random ruminations. Some readers will be frustrated both by this and by what she leaves out. We never learn, for instance, who the father of her child is, or the nature of her relationship with him. This is so out of step with the "confessional" nature of so much contemporary autobiography that it's jarring: shouldn't we be privy to the juiciest bits, supermarket tabloid-style? But I, for one, find Hersh's reticence refreshing. Those expecting some sort of straightforward public striptease couldn't possibly have been KH fans to begin with. Kristin, consciously or instinctively, has always heeded Emily Dickinson's admonition "Tell all the Truth but tell it slant," understanding that honesty is often better served by leaving some things out.c) She is amazingly true to her teenaged self--to the naive, giddy, girl-woman prodigy she once was--and unfailingly generous to her bandmates. This is no mean feat. In any band--or even group of friends--"things fall apart" and relationships become complicated, fraught, over time. Throwing Muses were no exception. Tired of playing second banana, Tanya Donelly left the group in 1991, and bassist Leslie Langston had departed several years before that. But whatever stresses, disappointments, fractures and reconciliations were destined for the future, Hersh successfully keeps them at bay, focusing on how her 18-year-old self saw and felt those relationships at the time. Very few memoirists are so successful at re-inhabiting a former version of themselves.The upshot is that rare memoir that I found a genuinely successful Proustian attempt to capture lost time. It took me back completely to when I was a pretentious but open-hearted teenager looking for my own niche in the world, and Throwing Muses were the soundtrack to my subconscious.Above and beyond this, Rat Girl is a treasure trove of insights into the labyrinthine lyrics of Hersh's songs. For instance, it's now clear what a "Gazebo Tree" is intended to signify, and what the inspiration for the invective of the seminal song "Hate My Way" was. There are dozens of such anecdotes, and, whether or not they are all strictly factual, they are unfailingly interesting.(A very minor gripe: Whoever at Penguin green-lighted the title "Rat Girl" and the cartoony cover design for the memoir needs his or her head examined. It both looks and sounds like an angst-ridden Young Adult novel. In Britain the book was given the much more appropriate title "Paradoxical Undressing" and far more appropriate cover art, so those that want a nice copy of the book to grace their shelves would do well to order the British edition instead.)Highly recommended, particularly to anyone who came of age in the 80s or early 90s.

This memoir is magnificent. Thank God.When an artist you like branches out into a field that's new--an actor rapping, say, or a musician writing books, you kind of follow along with a bit of trepidation. It seems polite to be part of the audience, but quite often these divergences are more embarrassing than anything else. I love memoirs, and I have long loved Kristin Hersh. I wasn't sure they would mix.They do.This memoir covers Kristin's late adolescence. Throwing Muses is already a band, not yet successful, struggling to define its place just as Kristin is struggling to define her own, coming to grips with the mood disorder that shook her life. She leaves out many details, but none of the ones that matter. This is a memoir, after all (literally, mémoire, memory), and not an autobiography. This is not about the hardcore facts, but about what she perceives, remembers, prioritizes in her past. It leaves us less informed than an autobiography, but more involved. We feel a part of her daily life.There's a fine sense of pacing here. Most of the memoir is lineal, but interspersed are small snippets of song lyrics and short passages from other times, distinguished by a different typeface. Together, they give a more complete picture of the author--the song lyrics offer another view of how she filters her experience into her art; the "flashbacks" a hint into the earlier passages of the person she is becoming. But she does not allow them to derail the primary thread of her story.I found that story utterly engrossing. Kristin neither romanticizes nor catastrophizes her life and the challenges she faces. She delicately skirts some of the darker issues, but remains true to the emotional core. Kristin's authorial voice is as distinctive as her singing voice; her gifts as a lyricist could not guarantee her ability to sustain this form, but she does it ably.This book should appeals to fans of either art form--memoirs, music. It doesn't matter, I don't think, whether you are already familiar with Kristin's work as a solo artist or as singer for Throwing Muses or 50 Foot Wave. It is a deeply satisfying, emotionally resonant book that should appeal whether you know her or not. I recommend.Tip of the hat to the cover illustration by Gilbert Hernandez ( Love & Rockets  and others), who has previously done cover art for Throwing Muses.

This book reads more than a novel than a memoir: so far (I'm 2/3 through the book) a mix between Douglas Coupland's best stories and the script for the movie Juno. Hersh is funny and a very good writer.I'm not a fan, by the way – although I've been aware of the Muses and Hersh solo for thirty years.

Read it pretty quickly and loved it. Kristin is a wonderful, insightful and at times hilarious writer. It's extraordinary the amount of exccentric people that have been in her life but that makes it all the more rich and interesting. It's a book that hits of several heavy topics (mostly illness) but emerges as a moving, lovable and complex love letter to the people around her and to her experiences which are quite unique. Besides making great music, Kristin is also a great writer.

Essential read if you're a Throwing Muses/Kristin Hersh fan. Gives you an insight into their early days, which I personally love.

Beautifully written, intensely honest, moving but also warm hearted and funny at times. If you’re a fan of Kristin or Throwing Muses its a must read.

Brilliantly told and compelling writing. If you’re aware in any way at all of Kristin’s work you should read this.