All Who Go Do Not Return: A Memoir

Eye opening and enlightening book! I've been to Israel several times and lived there for a year. As a Christian, I wanted to learn more about the Jewish people and their customs, traditions, and faith. It was an amazing year and I made many Jewish friends from different backgrounds. I loved learning about their history and was delighted to see the many different "streams" of people within the Jewish faith. However, the one group which remained a mystery after my year in Israel were the Hasidic Jews. Sure, I encountered them on a daily basis. Yet, due to their "closed off" lifestyle and community, I was unable to learn much about them. Of course, I researched and read what I could about them. Most of what I read was basic information about their history and practices. I couldn't find anything that really got in depth about their day to day life. That's why I was extatic after reading Shulem's book! I couldn't put this book down and read it in less than 24 hours. I was instantly engrossed in his story and felt that for the first time I was given a glimpse into a Hasidic community. The book is detailed enough that you can grasp the day to day lifestyle they live. I particularly like the fact that Shulem is so transparent with his feelings, including his weaknesses and struggles. He doesn't "sugar coat" his experiences and admits when he makes mistakes. He writes with sincerity about his pain and the losses he suffered in order to free himself and follow new paths in his life. I have the utmost respect that he found the inner strength to pursue a new path regardless of what it cost him. I would like to see him write a second book detailing his life since. Where has life taken him now? Did he ever reconnect with any of his children and were they able to build a strong relationship again? I highly recommend this book! It gives a fascinating look into a very closed community which those on the outside rarely get to hear about.

This is my review from Goodreads:About six nights ago, I finished this memoir by ex-Hasid Shulem Deen. It was mesmerizing. There were two things I liked about this book: the story itself and the writing.The Story Itself: Shulem's JourneyShulem was the son of ex-hippy converts. As a Hasidic Jew, he lived mostly in the village of Square, New York, a loyal member of the Sklever sect of ultra-orthodox Jews. That devotion, however, had begun to waver after he submitted to an unwanted marriage in his late teens. Five children and several cash-poor careers later, Deen would become disillusioned with the Haredi way of life. After being outed as a non-believer, he was declared an apikoros (heretic) and banished from New Square. Unsurprisingly, divorce followed shortly, painfully accompanied by permanent separation from his children. All Who Go Do Not Return is a moving look back at the roots of Deen's journey from die-hard tradition to modernity. With a clear and honest eye, Deen examines the reasons for his loss of faith and departure from a world he once cherished. The reader will empathize with his difficult choices and his struggle for a real future.As my reading of this memoir progressed, I realized that Shulem's destiny was almost foretold from day one. It wasn't hard for me to understand why this young man's life took the course it did. His rebellious tendencies (ditching Torah study as a young teen, listening to the radio, buying a tv, buying a computer, frequenting the library, starting a blog, patronizing bars in Manhattan, eating non-kosher foods, losing faith, ultimately, in God), his ouster from the Sklevers, and his embrace of atheism and secular life were anticipated, assured, especially when I regarded the his parents' background.The author's mother and father were middle-class secular Jewish kids who became "Baal Teshuva" (converts to haredi Judaism). Even after settling in Borough Park as brand new, gung-ho Satmar Jews, this committed young couple remained outsiders in distinct ways. Deen explained that his parents shopped in Greenwich Village when he was a boy, spoke English rather than Yiddish in their home, and listened to the forbidden radio. Family living a bit outside the bounds of strict tradition would affect the Jewish path Shulem would take.Shulem Deen's parents were 60's idealists, truth-seekers, and intellectuals. Full participants of their era, Dovid Deen and his wife were college students-turned-hippies of the Age of Aquarius. They lived in communes, worshipped the Beatles, and loved Woodstock. A seeker in every sense of the word, Shulem's father would eventually find his destiny in the strict world of the Satmar Jews. Dovid was drawn to their old-fashioned ways; their customs of centuries past; their piety and simplicity. In that extremist sphere, he saw God, tenderness, and authenticity. That ultra-orthodox way of life was exactly what he had been seeking, and he was finally able to reignite his blazing intellect within the fervent walls of the yeshivas (buildings of religious study). Dovid fell madly in love with the Satmars and became a rabbi. Shulem commented that his peace-loving outsider parents at first probably never fully felt the underlying hardness of that world, so turned on by the old-hat warmth and charm were they. I concur. Obviously, Hasidic New York, with its black dress, zeal, Yiddish words, kosher food, rejection of "regular" society, unending Torah study, poverty, and angst, was kryptonite to a young romantic like Dovid Deen.This once was the world of Shulem Deen. Within the orthodox enclaves of Borough Park, New Square, Monsey, and Williamsburg, this young Hasidic son of counterculture visionaries will be born, reared, married, at the end of this tale, ejected. In this bittersweet coming-of-age memoir, young Deen faces disillusionment, loss, and the crumbling of an old identity. Having no choice, he will be forced to come to terms with his parents' past and choices. As a result of his search, he must embrace his birthright and construct a new self. The "new" Shulem Deen is the author of this book. He is now a full-fledged member of the outside world. He is a "regular" guy, a proud Brooklynite, and a successful writer. Deen is a lot like his father in certain ways. He does respect his roots as an offspring of 60s hippies, but he is also a realist. Plainspoken, authentic and wise, he is a work in progress.Shulem Deen's WritingAll Who Go Do Not Return is good writing. I am a regular person; an old-fashioned lover of stories, and truthfully, the writing always comes first when I review a book in my head. I have a weakness for writing that fuses expressiveness and maturity, and this book delivers the goods. For example, one of the most stirring and unforgettable descriptions of a child ever penned by a parent is found in this book. It is a description of one of the daughters that Shulem lost to his wife later in the story:"Chaya Suri, five, was a shy little girl, with big, dark eyes and chestnut hair. She resented being grouped with the little ones, but families orient themselves in natural ways, and such was her lot: earlier bedtimes, the colorful, cartoon-covered dishes and fat little forks, always being shooed away from Tziri and Freidy’s collaborations on arts and crafts projects or impromptu dance performances. Instead, Chaya Suri turned to the little boys behind her, showing early signs of a tomboyish nature. Later, I’d think of her as a Hasidic version of Harper Lee’s Scout, skinny and agile and often up in a tree, gazing out at the world from a place in which no one would bother her."All Who Goes Do Not Return by Shulem Deen 2015, (Loc. 3111 on Kindle Voyage)A loving, sad, playful, evocative tribute to a child later lost. As a read and re-read this passage, I kept asking myself how anyone mostly self-taught could have this degree of talent? It is amazing.There are more gems:"I was unaware that even with a strong case, custody battles could cost tens of thousands of dollars. I was unaware that, when held in Rockland County, custody battles in our community required rabbis, community leaders, and Orthodox family therapists on your side. I was unaware that family courts were also part of the local political machinery and that elections were never far from a judge’s mind. I was unaware that my relatively meager resources were no match for a powerfully resourceful community with an ideological stake in the future of my children. Most of all, I was naive about the power of religious extremists to control even the minds of children."All Who Go Do Not Return by Shulem Deen, 2016 (Loc. 4523 on Kindle Voyage)I wish I could write more about this book. There is so much more to talk about. I got to this memoir late, typically. I am glad I finally picked it up. All Who Goes is a treasure-trove of good writing, and the story itself is bittersweet and intriguing. I highly recommend this memoir to book-lovers everywhere. I am oddly proud of Shulem (I hope he finds God again), and I will keep him on my list of writers to watch.

I found the beginning to be a bit slow and tedious but really started to enjoy the book about 1/4 of the way through. Very well written.

A jornada tortuosa de um homem criado em uma comunidade de judeus ultraortodoxos (Skverer), que descobre já adulto não se encaixar naquele mundo. Em conflito com a fé e com as regras que regem a comunidade, o autor busca aconselhamento com seu rabino, que o instrui a "procurar em seu coração": "I looked inside my heart and discovered there was no truth, anywhere, not inside my heart and not outside it, only the scalding furnace in which my beliefs were now smoldering embers.”O autor segue em sua jornada de autoconhecimento, e seu relato não aparenta caráter de vingança ou de reprimenda, apenas uma constatação de aquele não era seu lugar. Lindamente escrito! Recomendo fortemente a leitura, uma pena que não tenha sido traduzido para o português.

This book is the personal story of a very religious divorced jewish husband and father, who suddenly chose to live a normal secular life in New York City. The book offers many helpful insights for a better understanding of the Hasidic communities, although I'm not sure what the author is trying to say. Maybe his message is to warn of the consequences of an ill-considered abandonment of a close community. At least the title is suggesting that, because "those who go, do not return". A more or less sad and very moving story, that made me think about the relationship between secular society and religious communities.

Formidable récit d'une aventure humaine, personnelle, à l'échelle d'un quartier et d'une tradition. Shulem Deen explique, avec compassion et sans jugement, ce que cela signifie d'être pris dans une tradition qui devient un moule, où tous les aspects de la vie quotidienne, de l'habillement à la pratique religieuse en passant par la nourriture sont déterminés par des règles millénaires qui n'ont plus rien à voir avec le monde d'aujourd'hui. Comment ce "cocon", protecteur, devient contraignant, et finit par exploser, pour peu que l'on se pose des questions. Et à quel point il est difficile de se reconstruire "en-dehors", quand tout est à recommencer, et que l'on ne connait pas les codes "des autres" et de la "normalité".

As a latter day apikoros it is clear to me that despite the sensitivity and finesse of Shulem Deen's writing he pulls too many punches in response to the reprehensible losses and harrowing privations he has had to endure at the hands of insular and ignorant people, his rabbi, his community,his teachers, his mishbocha , his children and and his wife, who seem to be the beneficiaries of mind control, deep prejudice, and a zombie type allegiance to ghetto culture, where religion rather than religiosity or a spiritual quest triumphs over reason, common decency and common sense . Shulem has experienced snubbing behavior, banishment. sadistic removal of his children, and the self righteousness of those who from the perspective of an apikoros like myself willfully, guilefully, and pathetically lead an unexamined life. Most distressing is the absolute contempt for individuality and a kind of amoeboid group mind which thrives on willful blindness to plight and situation of those in the community who deviate from its arbitrary norms enforced by unnecessarily defensive acolytes of unelected leaders.The notion of surveillance and spying on members says little about any respect for the human rights of members when the maskilim are demonized.Shulem is a victim of a non negotiable order where rule is by fiat not consensus, and where the exclusion of secular learning plays into the hands of the righteous.Nevertheless Shulem subject to something like the Stockholm syndrome continues to tip toe around the crassness of Skerverer indecency and sees some merit in what in essence is a dystopian social order.He has cathected a love of Jewish learning, ritual and obedience which his rational mind finds insufferable.Surprisingly as a rebel he has said "no" to the worst aspects of an anachronistic group mentality which is out of synch with the lessons of Jewish history and survival.Clearly the Skeverers are prepared to sacrifice their own, ( a kind of Moloch worship) in order to rest reassured in the illusion of their , ( divinely inspired?), supremacy.