Say What You See for Parents and Teachers

I can’t say enough about this book. We are grandparents to three granddaughters. Our adult children are practicing this with incredible results. We n e e d e d this book to help us when the kids are with us! Highly recommend this book’s advice!

In this slim booklet (that took about thirty minutes to read), Sandra R. Blackard presents a simple guiding strategy - for responding to negative and positive behavior in a way that fosters self-confidence and creativity - as well as a handful of helpful tips; unfortunately, her strategy is just one piece of the parenting puzzle. Sandy's techniques are included in other books that provide additional tips and guidance. In other words, "Say What You See" is a fabulous strategy communicated clearly in this book; it's just not a one-stop-shop for all your parenting needs.Blackard advises parents to “SAY WHAT YOU SEE using neutral observations to connect, validate, and calm upsets. When you see a behavior you like, add a STRENGTH to help children become centered and self-confident. When you see a behavior you don’t like, add a CAN DO to gain cooperation and encourage creativity.” In other words, rather than lavishing praise upon your child, simply describe what they’ve accomplished and mention the positive attribute it indicates; for negative behavior, describe what they’ve done and then channel the impulse behind the action to a more appropriate expression (telling them where, when, or how they “can do” that thing). The goal is to avoid judgment (negative or positive), recognize that “[a]ll behaviors are driven by healthy needs,” and “encourage children to think and solve problems on their own” so that they don’t feel the need to seek external affirmation in youth or later in life.The few unique suggestions (of what to say to children in common situations) and observations that jumped out at me follow:(To a young child who’s interrupting) “‘Grab that thought and keep it in your pocket for a little bit longer, and then when I’m done, you can let it all out.’”(To a child who’s refusing to eat something) “‘You’re not eating it! No way.’” (“With no need to defend or prove a dislike, kids sometimes change their minds.”)(Instead of praise) “‘You did that just the way you wanted to!’ [or] ‘It’s what you think that matters!’”“Children can’t walk through walls, but they usually don’t get upset about it - walls just are. Effective rules are like walls [not doors].”“Children find it easier to cooperate when their good intentions are recognized.”“Avoid taboos; gain cooperation.”

This has been without a doubt THE MOST POWERFUL approach to working with children that I have ever encountered in my 9 years as a Montessori guide (and now 4 years as a parent). I could tell you so many stories about how it's helped me guide my very spirited 4-year old through the rough waters of adjusting to a new sibling, and it's even helped me with my marriage!I read SAY WHAT YOU SEE in one sitting (and have reread it many times since) and it just made SO much sense. It was really the missing link in my work with children. I am trained in Positive Discipline and I loved how your method meshed so well with the Positive Discipline idea of Mistaken Goals, where the child has a positive intention (to connect, be recognized, be a leader, etc.) but his way of getting there is often misunderstood by adults. Your method allowed me to stop, observe objectively, and discover what the child's true intentions were. It is very empowering, not only for the child but for the adult!

This book is so simple and so impactful! It has changed the whole way to talk to my kids and I use it in my job as well!

This book is a must. As my husband and I are helping raise three of our grandsons, we needed to know new tactics to help guide them positively. I do come from oldschool and a switch on the booty was the usual for when we were parenting, I still believe in the biblical..."spare the rod spoil the child" and it shows in our society today. But being able to have tools to guide them and help them know that we understand their feelings as well is tremendous! We are using these tools and it is working!

This book is short and fast read, perfect for busy parents or teachers. It describes a single, simple method to improve your communication with your children/students. It gives you specifics on how to literally "Say What You See," and then includes two option next step. The next step is either how to turn what you see into meaningful praise (when what you see is a good thing that you want to see more of) or how to give a better choice for the next time (when what you see is a hurtful, dangerous thing or simply a bad choice that you don't want to se repeated). I will read this many more times, I am sure, and I highly recommend it for anyone who wants a very simple way to communicate in a compassionate, more impactful way.

This quick and easy read presents core truths in a simple way. If we understand the WHY behind our child's action, we can develop healthy growth at the root (help build confidence) instead of endlessly addressing symptoms (try to stop child from whining).

Connecting with your child is a way that acknowledges them, helps you and the child make sense of their behavior, and helps them learn about emotions, actions, and connecting with others.

Outstanding, simple but incredibly effective especially if you are doing therapeutic parenting. I wish I had known about this years ago!

I am a play therapist and I not only recommend this book to the parents I work with I have purchased several copies so I can lend them this book. It's simple to read and it's a resource that works. Very similar to techniques therapists use to connect to children and build relationships. Say what you see/hear/feel states the obvious and works.

This is a book that anyone working or living with children would benefit from reading. It's full of inspiration on how to develop good communication skills.

Only a short read but definitely worth it. Git some great tips on how to talk to our toddler

A brilliant guide to being more understanding and having greater harmony with young children. And such a quick read, definitely worth your time!